alice & the pets

Since we've brought her home from the hospital the pets have been woefully neglected. To be honest though, the dogs have been woefully neglected for awhile. It's just way too easy to just let them run around outside all day and just bring them in for feeding and to sleep. If it's super hot out we let them in most of the day but by and large they are always outside. The cats are cats so all they need is the occasional cuddle when they sit next to you on the couch and they're good.

How are they doing with her? They are all mostly curious but keep their distance. They sniff her and wish her no harm but aren't affectionate either. She's meh to them. I think Woz is having the hardest time with her. He's kinda pretending she doesn't exist and I don't think I've seen him sniff her once. He's always been the pet most attached to us so having to compete with yet another creature is just too much for his little heart to comprehend.

LJ on the other hand seems to be the most daring when it comes to closeness. He lays next to her if she's around and I've seen him paw at her foot as it dangled near him. The pawing concerns me because I'm not sure if he would use claws or not. Anyway, the answer is simple: we don't leave her alone when they're around and watch their interactions carefully. If one approaches her, we reward with petting and kind words.

The bigger pains in the butt is the cat hair that's everywhere. Especially with the hot weather making them shed like crazy. I dread the days when she's crawling because cat hair will end up on her clothing no matter how much we try to keep things clean.

i like this baby/being a mom thing

You may not believe me if I told you this but prior to the birth of my nieces and my own tax deduction (thanks Man-D for the nickname idea), I was not really a baby person. I didn't have anything against them per se but I would take a shopping trip at Target over holding a baby any day. It was also the fear of becoming a MOM for the reason that my relationship with my own mother, while much improved, hasn't been great. That's probably/definitely why I wanted a boy so much, fear of raising a daughter. I also waste a fair amount of time hatereading mommy blogs and some of those women sound like the worst kind of selfish desperate for attention jerks. They also become boring, simply because motherhood is boring a lot. And so, I was afraid of what motherhood would do to me and how it would change me and would I even like it.

Matt recently said that since we've been married I've gotten a lot girly-er. When asked to clarify, he said  I used to be very one of the guys in my attire and my interests and style had changed a lot. I do laugh way too much at The League with all its jokes about pooping and balls and I love me some action films but there's been an increase in interest in cooking, decorating, and babies. I definitely felt the freedom to indulge my cooking side once married and I'm not sure why. The non-conformist side of me felt sheepish about it like "what a traitor, you got married and all of a sudden now you cook. you've changed man!". I was always into home design its just become more important as the cooking paved the way for hosting which meant I couldn't just have people over to eat a nice meal, it had to be a nice meal in a nicely decorated home. And the style well, I got older and was tired of looking like a teen, I wanted to look like a grown up. Most of the time. And those interests are still very big in my life and haven't changed nor do I suspect will they change just because I had a baby. Of course I can't do much about it right now because I'm not working so I'm not free to go clothes shopping or home stuff shopping, 'cause you know, not free. Not to say my personality is wrapped up in those things they are just a part of who I am in addition to the new who I am too. And of course, this new who I am will face a change when I go back to work (dreading dreading dreading) and become a working mom (or whatever the PC word is when you make a living outside your home and leave a baby at home to go do it). This is my new role, I am somebody's mom.

Obviously Alice is the most important thing right now and consumes my mind and time more than anything else so of course that's what I talk about with people. And I totally get why moms like to talk about their kids. I could talk about Alice 'til the cows come home to anyone that will listen. I could also talk about Mad Men, Downton Abbey, and Breaking Bad to an unhealthy level but the baby is a real person and Don Draper is not.

Thankfully childless people don't have to suffer because I have some mom friends that are my salvation and we can talk about our child's sleeping and poop habits without annoying the general population. And maybe I shouldn't worry about annoying the general population but I was a childless person too long and I still get annoyed with moms being boring and talking about their kids all the time and posting photos of them everywhere. Except that now I'm completely guilty of it all though I hope its the novelty of the thing and while it would be insane to expect me to pretend she doesn't exist on the socialnets, I hope to keep it toned down. I was hoping to keep it toned down for the blog too but I've never made claims as to it being a certain type of blog. It's a blog about me and my life at home and guess what, she is my life at home.

And so while realizing that at the root of things I haven't changed much, my life has and I've discovered that not only do I really like Alice, I really like being a mom to her. Making it individualized to be about her and not motherhood in general and taking it one day at a time has helped me not go crazy or feel overwhelmed. I like that kid I birthed and I like taking care of her. I enjoy feeding her, holding her, changing her, having to deal with her needs when out in public, pushing her in a stroller, watching her learn things, staring at her while she sleeps, I like all of it! Sometimes I even like being awoken at 4am to feed her because then I get to hold her. Ha, just kidding, I don't like being awoken at 4am. And at this phase, I'm not gonna say its "easy" but its not that hard. It's all consuming, routine, and nonstop but the daily tasks are fairly simple to handle when I'm home since she's not mobile and a fairly pleasant individual. We did recently spend a day at Disneyland and had to figure out where to change her and feed her which took a lot more planning than past Disneyland trips but it wasn't bad at all.

I guess I'm surprised by this feeling but mostly relieved. I knew I would love my child no matter what but I am so happy that I actually really like her and really like being her mom.

That face does make it easy to love her though right? Gah it's not even fair she's that cute.

Have a likable weekend everyone. Our rosy is heading to Lompoc to meet her namesake mañana!

seven

On the night before our wedding, our last night of living apart, we were both on our laptops doing something or other when Ali snapped this photo. 

It captured a mundane but telling photo. There would be times of exciting travel and adventure in our marriage but there would mostly be times of a simple life when adventure would be found in being home, just the two of us.

Never has this been more true than in the adventure we've embarked upon called parenthood. It's exciting and unpredictable but we are happiest when we're home, just the three of us.

Happy Anniversary, father of my child.

we really are blessed

Matt and I have been making jokes about Alice's face after her feedings and how drunk she looks. On one of her early morning feedings I was on Pinterest looking up "milk drunk" or "drunk baby" and I found this mom's entry about her struggles with breastfeeding and how she ended up having to feed her baby with formula and all the guilt that came with it. 

It was emotional and sad and I felt bad for this mom and all other moms that tried and couldn't feed their baby with their body and felt incredibly blessed that I am able to. So so blessed.

So here's to moms and however they feed their babies.

DIY it! (with the help of someone other than me)

I think there's a sort of belief that I am a big DIYer. I am kinda. I've been known to spray paint a chair here and there, glitter up a tree, and make a yarn wreath; and I usually graphically design invites to my parties but I'm very impatient and most of the projects take a certain amount of precision and care to achieve the right look and I just give up. Instead, I'm going to point you to a few blogs that are big on craftiness and DIYing that inspire me and I pretend that I'll actually get around to making the things on their site. They range from crazy handy like custom building shelfs to updating your boring dresser with a fun toe kick.

A Beautiful Mess: A pair of sisters run the show and it's… epic. They do it all on their site.

Almost Makes Perfect: She's the most different from the other ones listed. Her style is more muted and modern that the others. I'm a crazy stalker and love all her projects.

Dream Green DIY: Her office is KILLER and all her little projects seem very accessible.

Fabric Paper Glue: A fellow black & white enthusiast.

I Spy DIY: New to me so I'm going through it just now but she's into color which I'm very into.

Little Green Notebook: She's the queen of DIY. She goes the extra 10 miles on projects ranging from making her own upholstered headboards to updating a simple cleaning closet and making it pretty.

Lovely Indeed: Ranging from tiny and adorable to big and fun.

Oh Happy Day: Their party ideas are so unique!

Studio DIY: I dunno how I've been missing out on this donut loving girl all these years.

Sugar & Cloth: A very graphic simplicity to her projects. She's like the minimal but effective DIYer.

Man, this is actually inspiring me to do some stuff like painting my magazine files or wallpapering the front of my bookcase doors.

mail call

The other day on Pinterest I saw a really terrific office. And in the terrific office I saw a really terrific mail holder in the shape of an envelope. I thought to myself: I MUST HAVE THIS ITEM. WHERE IS IT FROM?! Well, it's from Target. Of course, of course it's from Target.

It's perfect for my office so I can put in the mail and correspondence that I have to deal with like RSVPing, sending presents, and writing a thank you note. Matt handles the bill paying but anything that's personal and social I pretty much handle so it will hold pretty things like invites.

Incidentally, if you're a Target addict like me, I highly recommend downloading the Target app for your phone. I had no earthly idea where I would find this item in the store and since I had it on pinterest, I just searched for it on the app and it let me know where in the store it was (aisle D74). Also, if you're in a Target store you can connect to their WiFi. I swear, it's like they never want you to leave.

Man-D & Michelle: I think you need these. I kinda want them too…

silly things i can squeeze in

Superbaby, as she will now be referred since she's being super nice to us right now (until she becomes a pain in the butt in which case she'll just be "the baby") so I've had time to squeeze in a few clean ups here and there. You know how they say you really don't realize how much time you had before you had a baby, holy crap it's true. Just trying to eek out a shower becomes an accomplishment so feast your eyes on this little nerd organizing that I was able to accomplish during a glorious nap time.

I sorted the gift bags by occasion! I don't know why I hadn't done it earlier but I got so many baby shower gift bags that I needed to incorporate them into my stash so I took the opportunity and got ridiculous. Don't look at me like you're surprised, I've organized tissue paper by color for pete's sake.

I'm able to publish this post right now because Superbaby is snoozing in the mamaroo. Thanks for sending prayers and good vibrations for our vaccine day yesterday. She screamed and cried but I nursed her right after and she knocked out and was extra lethargic afterwards for awhile but is bouncing back lovely. Even got some happy smiles that night. Went back to sleeping from 11-6 thank goodness. I asked the doctor about her sleeping all night and he said that it's fantastic at this age so I don't have to worry about waking her to eat anymore! He said that means she's a contented baby and while technically below average in weight, is above average for length so she's long and lean. I wish I'd have trusted myself before when I was worried about her not gaining as much weight as the charts told us she should. She was and is a happy baby and peeing and pooping regularly and I should have just believed my instincts that she was fine and eating enough. Instead I doubted myself and that added to needless crying and worry.

I am still being awoken at 3am full of milk and using that time to pump and store up some stash. If I stop pumping at that time, my body will stop making milk at that time, isn't that something? And as insane as it is for me to continue being wiling to wake up and pump at 3am, I can go back to sleep fairly easily so I'll keep trying to do that until I am too exhausted to wake up and do it. Once I see she actually naps for longer than 10 minutes at a time which she seems to be doing lately, then I'll try to squeeze in a day nap as well. Sorry gang, the sleep habits of a 10 pounder is the most exciting thing in my life right now. And you have no idea how exciting sleeping all night is!

Have a great weekend. We have lots of visiting planned. Babies make a person very popular suddenly!

my kid is dope

Alice is amazing. She slept all night from 11-7 (I, on the other hand was awoken by milk and pumped around 3am), fussed and gave me a courteous mini cry to tell me she was awake and hungry. She ate. I changed her and laid her back in the pack and play and she smiled and coo'd for awhile then let out her energy quietly, kicking her legs and put herself to sleep again for her morning nap. LOVE HER.
Today though is her 2 month checkup and she's being vaccinated. She's gonna cry and be fussy and I'm trying to prepare myself for a rough rest of the day and a rough night. It sure was nice of her to give me a few of these good nights of sleep.

- mobile blog post. spelling irrelevant.

want v need

Due to the arrival of youknowwho, Matt and I have been talking a lot about tightening our belts and being even more financially responsible and prioritizing our finances instead of spending money on things that we really don't need. I mean I could make the case that I will eventually need an Apple Watch but come on… let's be real.

During pregnancy I survived on TWO pairs of jeans. It's not that I couldn't afford more but it just felt pointless having more than the two I did since I wasn't going to be pregnant and needing jeans for that long. Soon came the hot weather and I added some shorts to the mix but I made it two seasons with two pairs of pants that I rotated every other day. And guess what? I still looked cute and fashion-y (as my sister Mari would say). What is it they say about necessity being the mother of invention? Limitations really expand our horizons. Working with what you have on hand makes you so much more inventive.

So fall is coming up and I can't fit into any of my jeans. Sure, I have big plans to start taking Alice out in the stroller for long walks to bring me back into shape but the reality is I'm gonna need to buy a few jeans that fit me in the meantime. While it isn't exactly a "need", it kind of is. But since I'm a mature mother thinking about retirement and college funds, I'm going to buy TWO pairs of jeans. That's it. Because once I can fit into my old jeans, I will have a HUGE selection of jeans that I bought when I was a carefree childless person.

I'm telling you this girl has completely changed our lives and minds.

 Our priorities have all shifted to her and securing her future. And that, is pretty great.

slip on sneakers

I've said it before and I'll say it again: the only thing that takes the sting out of summer being over is the arrival of FALL FASHION. And just because I had a baby and spend the majority of my time dressed in a nursing tank and sweat shorts doesn't mean I'm not thinking about and stalking pinterest and fashion blogs especially knowing New York Fashion Week is happening (or happened?). 

But since I do have a baby and am a nursing mother (mother!) I'm a) poor & on a budget b) lazy c) lacking in any sort of personal time. As I got dressed in the closet I found that I really wanted to wear shoes that are easy to take on and off and though I have a hefty collection of flats and loafers, I wanted to wear some sneakers which brought me to the idea of slip on sneakers and thank heaven: they're on trend! Here's some evidence that they can be worn with a little flair.

This image makes me miss New York.

I'm looking for some variation of this shoe. Black but with a shiny twist. That seems to be the common element to wearing these with style, they gotta have a twist.

Don't ask me what else is cool right now. I'm gonna be wearing the same stuff I wore last fall and hope nobody notices and/or gives me slack that I am at the very least out of my PJs.

dang you boobies!

I hung in there and breastfeeding has gotten way better. I no longer hate it! I would read on the webs that around 6 weeks was the time when it would get easier and the net was right. She takes less time to eat, I'm not as sore in the nips, its just wayyyyy better.
The miss is not a good daytime napper. She will nap when being held or gloriously in her car seat be it in the car or in the stroller. Sometimes a swaddle, rocking, and some white noise in her room can convince her to nap in her crib. Sometimes I can get her to lay in her crib and she can get herself tired enough or soothed enough to nap for 1/2 hour max. It's a very deceptive nap because she looks like she is OUT for awhile but alas, looks are deceiving.
The wonderful BUT in this is that she is a pretty decent nighttime sleeper and Lord bless her. She can go for 3-4 hour stretches, wake up to feed, and go back to sleep with very little incident. The frustrating yet kinda miraculous thing is that I wake up about 5-10 minutes on my own before she does loaded with milk, often leaky, and uncomfortable. I lay in bed and wait for her to wake up so I can feed her and relieve the pressure and sure enough within minutes, she's up.
I am however, currently awake because of a strange occurrence. After a fun day of visiting friends where she was in her car seat a bit and had a good mix of awake and asleep she went to bed later than normal after midnight. We thought it was that I had too much caffeine that day and maybe so but she was way too awake and fussy and would not go to bed after we tried all our tricks. And while in the past this might have driven me insane I was high off a great day and feeling pretty patient. She was fed, changed, swaddled and Matt asked for any ideas. I shrugged, "Just stick her in her bassinet. She's still right now, just let her lay there." The freaking kid fell asleep on her own after a few minutes. We did nothing but continue to check on her for a few minutes and she remained asleep and so did we.
Without fail around 5am I woke up full of milk and with the holy crap is she still asleep let me check her breathing mini panic. Baby is fine and still out. Hmm. Surely she will wake up soon. Surely.

About 30 minutes passes by and still no awoken baby.

Now begins the frustrating dance of: I need to get rid of this milk. My boobs are hard. Should I pump? What if she wakes up and I just diminished her supply? Will the noise wake her? Agh!!

So I pumped enough to just alleviate the situation and waited for her to wake up. No dice. So I pump a little more and turn on the bedside light. Nada. I pick her up and put her on the nursing pillow and still no eyes opening. Minor stirring but not much. I finally get her awake enough to make her eat. She lazily eats, boob feels better, and goes right back to sleep when she's done. Now I am laying here typing at almost 7am not quite sleepy and thinking of game plans for the future.

I think I waste too much time deciding to pump when she's asleep and I should just do it. If she wakes up while I'm doing it then I can just stop and feed her and odds are she'll get full with what's in there and go back to sleep. Worst case: give her the stuff I just pumped via bottle. Right?

What happens when she starts sleeping for 6-8 hours and I'm full of milk? Will I be able to sleep that long? Will milk wake me up after 4 hours?

Why am I still awake now?!

- mobile blog post. spelling irrelevant.