vamos a mexicali?

I was holding for a job that was going to start next week but that went away and I dunno what put the idea in my head but I really want to go to Mexicali where my mom is from. I used to go once or twice a year but as we've gotten older the visits have been less frequent. I never got to go while pregnant and the family down there hasn't met Alice and I haven't seen my beloved aunt Chela, my mother's twin for awhile now. I think it's been about three years since we've been back to Mexicali and thankfully I think we went for a wedding and not a funeral. 

Of course once the idea got in my head I google mapped my nana's house and remembered the sights around the neighborhood and felt this insane nostalgia I can't describe. A familiarity and a distance all at once. A joy and a longing. Or are all these sentiments the definition of nostalgia? Anyway... the bakery on the corner of the street where we got the mandatory pan for the cafe.

And the church on the corner that's been painted a million times whose bells we would hear often. I've never been inside of it because that was forbidden by my religious mother since it was a Catholic church and we're not. I don't... get it either. 

If we go we're thinking Mon-Wed or Thurs next week and I'm planning the trip as a tourist and I've never been a tourist in Mexicali before! You mean there's restaurants there? I only ate what my family made. You mean there's hotels there? I've only stayed at my family's houses. Though my sister Mary says that it's kinda boring there to begin with but come on, I'm up for a challenge.

i needed that

Whew. After a depressing Friday night the rest of the weekend turned out pretty spectacularly. For my birthday I came up with an idea that I'm not sure whose idea it was but I think it was mine? We met up Grand Central Market in Downtown LA (DTLA) which is a big indoor market that has gone the way of the hipster and added some cool restaurants in there and took our food to Grand Park nearby which is an urban park that goes from the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion to the steps of City Hall. 

The beauty of the market is that it there's something for everyone but the sucky thing is how dang crowded it is on the weekend. The gang loved having so many food options and wandering around but it was tough maneuvering a stroller and a group of people through a narrow space. 

To no one's surprise I ended up at DTLA Cheese which is a cheese shop and food stand and I dunno if you people know this but cheese shops are secret (as evidenced by the lack of line) food places and DTLA had a few options on the walls (most of which had cheese, my kinda place) and they included the chosen food of Burrata toast, farro salad, and cheesy potatoes. The burrata toast pictured here was OUT OF CONTROL good. I also got a cheese plate sampler and some burrata to share.

It was your typical boring incredibly beautifully perfect day in Los Angeles with highs of about 75. Sunny in the sun, cool in the shade. We ended up at some tables under shade which were empty except for three homeless dudes and had ourselves a nice picnic with city hall in the background and a playground nearby too. Obviously it was an amazing day for Alice with a big ole lawn to run around in and her grandma to take her to the playground.

We got to take a super dope picture of the family in front of city hall. We cool.

Of course it being a boring, perfectly beautiful day, we ended up at the top of the park where there's a splash fountain for the kids and a Starbucks for the grown-ups.

She hesitated at first but after awhile, I couldn't tear her away. I highly recommend Grand Park for all of you, I was hard pressed to think of an occasion it's not great for. Dates. Kids. Everything!

And as if it hadn't been a cool enough day, our friend's husband who works at City Hall sometimes gave us a tour and we ended up in the observation room at the top where I made myself at home behind the City of Los Angeles podium though not as comfortable as my nieces who held a press conference on important matters such as 'favorite color' 'favorite tv show' and 'fears' (bats).

We had city hall all to ourselves and got to walk around the observation area enjoying 360 degree views of LA. Look at my hometown, just lookit.

The next day I got to sit with my husband at church and then hang and then have a small group meeting and let me tell you I needed the Jesus time. I needed the family time. I needed the time. Rest. Fun. Leisure. No wonder God specified a day of rest. We need it to keep going and I definitely needed this weekend.

the worst of me

Not only am I a working mom but I'm a production working mom. The hours I keep when I'm working are pretty long and at the end of the day I'm home with Alice for a few hours before she goes to bed if I'm lucky. But those hours when I'm home with her are not the quality hours you would think. Alice is starting the terrible twos early, because duh, she's advanced. So when I get home I get someone that is tired and at her worst. 

When I get home, I have just spent hours talking to people, making deals with people, figuring amounts out, I've been driving for an hour to get home, I was probably up early, and I am pretty much at my worst. I want to sit down in front of a tv, stare at my phone, and tune out and just lay still until I can gather thoughts enough to decide to eat, shower, work, or sleep. Then I have to actually do those things which is harder than thinking about them. 

I want to be able to come home, leave my phone at the door and give her my undivided attention until she goes to bed and then look at my phone. But of course one of those times I left it and my boss gave me crap about not answering my phone and then there are emails and work things coming in that have to be replied to sometimes because they're timely. And sometimes I'm just texting and social media wasting. Way to go mom. That dumb thing is more important than your kid.

I want to be able to come home and pay attention to my husband when he's talking to me and he has spent all day away from me and just wants to talk and I am just spent.

So both of them are getting me when I am not myself. They are getting a tired, unresponsive, distracted mom and wife and I feel so awful because I've missed both of them all day and am so happy to see them but I don't show it. And she's difficult to deal with at that time and on a normal day when I'm home things wouldn't get to me but when I'm at my worst, they get to me. When I'm at my worst I read bedtime stories sobbing because she just spent 20 minutes screaming about everything from bathtime to diaper change to PJs. When I'm at my worst I snap at Matt for asking if I'm paying attention. They are the most important people in my life and what they see of me before they lay their heads down to sleep is me operating at no capacity. They see the worst of me.

I don't know how I can change this. I don't quite know what to do.

I shouldn't end this week on this bummer of a note because while it was a VERY tiring week with work (two shoot days and two big meetings) and with Alice acting out but I gained another year of life and tomorrow we're celebrating officially with people I love whom I hope will see the better side of me. Now I'm going to take my contacts out, get into PJs and try not to cry about the sucky emotional parts of being a working mother. I'm gonna have a better day tomorrow right?

three years!

Happy Anniversary Burbank! Moving up here has been one of the best decisions of our life and definitely improved it for the better. 

When we decided to move up here the mail reason was that if we ever have kids I didn't want to be stuck in traffic trying to get home to them and lo and behold the shorter commute has made such a difference in the quality of my life. I'm still stuck in traffic but it's about half the time I would have spent commuting from La Mirada when that could have been spent playing with my girl.

We love all the wonderful amenities of this big small town like having our own airport, a Sprouts, a few movie studios, endless amounts of eateries and shopping, and of course having an Ikea walking distance. But whenever we go for a walk around our neighborhood we are reminded that we made the right decision to move here and this place feels so much like home.

ocho

My sister Mari's baby shower this weekend went great. She and her hubby were so grateful and loved all the details. I'll give a full recap of the event next week. 

I can't believe that once her son arrives, all 5 of us will have kids. CRAZY.

In other equally (not really) exciting news today I fit into size 8 pants I haven't been able to fit into in months. You know, losing weight is a money saver because I have been wanting to wear grey pants and by losing weight I was able to fit into the ones I already owned. 

I've been a little less strict with the food than I have the first month and all this weight loss has been only with diet. I hope to add exercise in there to help the process along but I'm just blown away by how much weight I've lost just by eating healthy and restricting sugar. Bananas. I mean, that's crazy, not that I've eaten a banana. Bananas are disgusting.

inspiration of yesterday

I just liked seeing all these colors together. Don't you?

Have a good weekend. BABY SHOWER FOR LAST PREGGO SISTER! FAMILY! EEEEE.

it all starts with an idea

I'm throwing my sister's baby shower (with the help of my sister in-law Gaudy) that's happening on Saturday and since it involved crafty stuff I recruited my homies Milena and Man-D to help too. We spent Saturday crafting and chatting and eating and I thought of a business idea.

I've since pitched it to a few people who like it and believe in me and such and I even know where I would want to have it. I've been thinking of having a business someday pipe dream for many years I just never knew what it could be. I think I know now. 

well at least i have lady edith

Well the plague of stomach flu hit the farm then it rained and we are going stir crazy over here. I did get to watch an insane amount of Downton Abbey though, so not all things are bad.

I think we'll head to the zoo me and the Alice. My Marigold is a Rosemary.