collect the whole set

On Thursday morning Matt, his mom and dad, and myself got the happiest surprise of our life when at our ultrasound we learned that our second and last baby would be a:

You know those lucky jerks that get one of each and you think man, those lucky jerks, they got one of each? I get to be one of those jerks! The moment the tech said the word "penis" I could not believe it and started crying right away. Everyone wanted us to get the pair and I dared not dream we'd get the desires of our heart. Some people get no babies. We get two (so far) healthy babies. Blessed beyond.

However, there is something to be said for getting what you want, disappointment, gender expectations, and loss. 

Both of us wanted a boy with Alice. And then we got Alice. And Alice.... well... she crushed it. I brag about her a lot with the caveat that we are NOT WORTHY. So cute! So sweet! So smart! So easy! We could have zero other children and be 100% content that all we had was an Alice. 

 So, pft, what do we know about what we want right? Sometimes the thing you never knew you wanted was just what you needed and you can't imagine life any other way.

This time, I felt like I dared not dream, other people are lucky and get one of each. I will never be those people. So I prepared myself for the wonderful all girl family alternative. I started thinking of them as Sasha and Malia, Venus & Serena, Beyonce & Solange. Why I could only think of black sisters, I dunno. I hyped it up to my family: "We're gonna be an all girl family". I set up Matt for the Fredrich family name stopping at us and to hope one of his cousins have a boy. I started dreaming about this girl. Gave her a name. Alice was so great, why wouldn't we want another girl? Why wouldn't be so freaking lucky to have another girl? 

And after the excited moment of holy crap it's a boy and telling family the news and having everyone feel that same "you lucky bastards" feeling Matt and I sat down and we talked about our new reality.

The one thing that we were both surprised we felt was that feeling of finite-ness. This is it. Last time we'll see an ultrasound and see our baby's heart and spine. No more baby after this. And while I've been teasing my sister that she's crazy because she has both boy and girl and still wants a third now... I get it. I see why people have third babies. Not enough for us to be like yeah let's have a third but after swearing up and down, THIS IS IT we did have a second of aww...no more.

The gender stereotype stuff was what surprised us a little as well. A few asked "Is Matt so excited he's getting a boy?" But Matt said that while it's nice, it doesn't quite feel like he can only do some things with his son. We've not raised Alice very "girl" like. She has girl qualities like she doesn't like to get dirty and she is generally not as high energy but we don't really buy girly toys for her or put her in super girly clothing. Maybe those differences will be highlighted later but we plan on treating the kids the same. In that we'll introduce them to sports, school, art, jiu-jitsu, movies, and then they can chose what they're into. But we'll get to do dad/daughter, mother/son, dad/son, mom/daughter dates and talk to them about being gentleman and lady and such. It'll be interesting to see how they're similar and how they're different based on their genders and their personalities.

And then I had this strange feeling of loss. Is it normal that I'm feeling the loss of this other daughter that I never had? I had all these little thoughts about her and her name and now I'm not gonna get her. She's gone and she never existed. I cried a little about it. I guess I did too good a job preparing myself for another girl. 

I always imagined having a son and now... just can't believe it. 

crappy pregnancy and excellent first kid update

Man, I'm wiped. We've had a rash of work and activities and I feel like I haven't really recovered from any of it. On Saturday at a birthday thing for Matt's grandma I alternated between being awake and socializing and napping. I think the pregnancy exacerbates the tiredness.

Speaking of the sequel, yes, I am still nauseated all day. 19 weeks pregnant and still freaking nauseated. It is getting better in that I'm slowly weaning myself off the anti-nausea medication and making sure I keep food in my system at all times. Everything doesn't disgust me anymore! I still gag at certain smells (like poopy diapers and opening the fridge in general) and I did nasty hurl on Saturday morning but overall I can tell there's improvement. So much so that I can hardly remember in the beginning how all food except cup of noodles made me sick and puking two to three times a day. Thing of the past! That I will never repeat after this kid. New trick that keeps the nausea at bay in between meals is: peppermint gum. It's a miracle I tell you.

Know what's weird about being pregnant a second time? How accustomed you are to seeing yourself pregnant. I do feel like I showed really early again and now I'm full blown pregnant and unlike last time where I just couldn't believe I was that pregnant girl in the mirror, this time I ain't got time for staring in a mirror. I just appreciate and am thankful for the sight just the same.

The sequel has begun moving. Still too small to be felt from the outside but enough for me to smile when it happens. Sometimes I talk to it and it moves which warms me up. And it will have a better pronoun soon: he or she since Thursday is the big anatomy scan when we get to see all the little pieces that make a baby including genitalia. Place your bets now. I'm guessing girl.

Speaking of girls, oh Alice. She is peak adorable right now. She has the cutest little baby voice and she is chatting up a storm. I mean, she knows what she's saying. She also has perfected what I call intelligent lazy sentence structure. First word: mama, last word: item I want, middle words: gibberish verb filler for you to decipher. "Mama si si sees Buff" means Mama, I want to see Buff. "Mama si sees Food" means Mama, I want food. And so on.

She's also a certified genius according to her mama digest because she can identify the letters A-F. And a lot of the alphabet except the hard ones like Q and W. Like, out of order and everything. Wherever she sees a letter she excitedly "Mama mama, this sis F!" I don't care if 2 year olds all over the world can do this, hush now, mine is a special snowflake.

She is still very attached to that monkey plush who she's begun referring to as "Bobby" and loves the films "Despicable Me" and the "Toy Story" trilogy. She loses her mind when Buzz appears. If she's still into him by Christmas time, we'll be getting her a better Buzz doll and a Woody or as she calls him "Howie." And she still loves Mickey Mouse and Doc McStuffins.

Rest is still usual, naps 2 hours a day again which was a battle to get her back on after we took away the paci but whew, glad we didn't give up and still sleeps all night and wakes up around 8. Still a super picky eater. Still super easy with all baby-sitters. A friggin' delight and we are not worthy.

Oh and Matt had a great birthday festivity I'll have to write about in depth 'cause it was so great. He's been taking jiu-jitsu and just walked in to tell me he earned his first stripe. We're very proud of him for learning to defend himself and in turn, our family.

Aside from pregnant me, doing a job that's with a producer I hope to work with some more and hopefully work will pick up a little more before the holidays so we can buy presents and such. I'm looking forward to the holidays but it's nice having this lull in between too.