The Monastic Life of one Evelyn Fredrich

 It started with a book.

Alexa had bought it and read it and passed it along with a note somewhere along the lines of I think you might enjoy this. I was grateful, as I always am for friends who send me books but it sat on my nightstand for months. 

Something happened March of 2020, can't remember what, but all of a sudden there was time now. Time to read something, anything so I picked it up and thus began the journey of desert spirituality.

The book is about 3 spiritual practices the author considers the way of the heart. Solitude, silence, and prayer. I had mentioned before that our marriage counselor noticed that I needed to learn to just do one thing at a time because I'm "in my head a lot" so I started small. I'd grab a magazine and try to just read the magazine. No no, not the way you're doing it. You're checking your phone and you have the TV on in the background and you are doing your nails or eating something no. Just read the magazine. Do you know how much concerted effort it takes to ONLY read a magazine? Well I found out! It's embarrassing. 

When I started reading the book I would do so during those magical mornings back in quarantine time when Matt would be 'on duty' and I would be 'off duty' and hanging out in the backyard by myself. That I found is the key to any sort of spiritual or rest practice for me: schedule. I know, that sounds so ridiculous that a person would have to schedule rest but have you met me? If I did not specifically make myself do nothing I would overbook me and everyone in my family around the clock. It's bad. I realized too that it was a very bad habit from being brought up in a home of chaos and inconsistency. 

It began with this ritual around here we call Solo Sunday where on Sunday nights I take the evening to hang in my Room of Requirement and watch a fun movie or Golden Girls or Scrubs and eat cheese or a new addition this quarantine: monthly bath night. Whatever it is has to be restful and joyful and just for me. I do whatever I feel I need based on the week. If the week was very serious and I need to laugh or be joyful, I chill with some Golden Girls, Sex and the City, or RomComs. If I'm having a hard time feeling feelings, Scrubs. If I had a heavy screen week, writing or reading. The bath nights have grown and I now own a bath caddy, bath pillow, bath bombs, bubble baths, oils, it's epic. I do face masks or foot soaks or whatever but it's just about caring for my body and skin I live in. Solo Sundays are for me, the perfect way to end a weekend and start a week, on a restful note. 

Now, I dunno how much faith/religion stuff I've chatted about here on this ole blog but if I'd want you to know something about me it's that I hate the word and the practice of 'religion'. And I go to church. But loathe religion. I actually get super down with the Biblical definition of religion: "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble." I think by and large I had settled into the standard protestant Christian habits and practices that most of us settle on since that's all we know. We go to church, we read the Bible, we "pray". All well and good. But somewhere I felt like I'd been in the game awhile, was growing personally but, not necessarily deepening my faith or incorporating spiritual life into daily life. Something about randomly tossing the top 30 Bible verses into conversation didn't feel natural to me and "prayer" and Bible reading was non-existent. Maybe after decades in the church and a Biblical studies minor I needed a little something new. OLD SCHOOL SOMETHING NEW. Third century AD desert fathers old school. 

So with the consistent practice of dedicated alone time I learned about solitude and silence as spiritual practices and a way to connect with God and creation. And if this sounds or is starting to sound a little new age-y but with Jesus I really can't blame you. It feels that way. I feel like some sort of Zen Monk that has a wifi. I say stuff like "My soul is aching for peace" and "that person is in a prison of un-love" and other crap. But... I like... mean it. I live it. I find myself in places and meditating where I really should be thinking about what size coffee I want. I will climb mountains and stare in silence and just breathe. Who dis bitch? I dunno. But... I like her. I love these new practices. I feel so much more connected to my Creator and people in a way that no other practices have worked before. These practices have actually led to a newfound resurgence of what do you know, actual Bible reading and praying. Maybe that part of my personality really thrives on that sort of moody/artistic/creative/soulful type of thought and being forced to listen to the voice within that I now know is the Holy Spirit has been so fruitful. In those practices I could finally hear what I really desperately needed to hear but I couldn't hear myself because I was just making so much noise. The world around me was making too much noise for me to hear the Spirit. The voice. 

The practice which I avoided was the one on prayer. I wrote "prayer" in the paragraph above in quotations because I was and am still learning to pray. Not the 'our father who art in heaven' stuff. I learned about breath prayer and the practices of in all things praying. Communing with God. Just BEING with God. Sometimes not a word was said other than my breath prayer (a simple prayer you barely whisper that helps put your mind and soul to receive and listen like "God be with me" "Lord hear my prayer" etc. Like a mantra. I told you, new age-y but with Jesus). I kept avoiding the chapter on prayer until I finally ripped the bandage and realized to my relief it wasn't that ritualistic "I'll pray for you" type prayer. It was more than that, deeper than that. I find myself praying way more often now. It's a part of my daily life, inviting God into wherever I am, whatever moment I find myself in. It's so much more natural. It's like breathing. 

I feel I'm giving very vague descriptions of what the practices all really entail but basically read the book and try them for yourself. It might not hit you in the sweet spot where it hit me but the concepts are so Biblical. Jesus would remove himself from his work and go to the desert to be alone with God. It's right in the Bible homies. 

Very few things have done so much in so short a time to radically make me feel different than these spiritual practices. And it's just so hilariously weird to me too this monastic way of living. Especially in this the year of our Lord 2021 in a city like Los Angeles with a life spent on a computer. Who am I kidding right? I even mix in all the zen stuff with some Brene Brown, Ted Lasso episodes, jokes. But guess what... all of it is me. That's how I interpret the world. I can just as easily meditate with a worship song as I can with the First Man score. That's how God made me, and they didn't make a mistake. 

I feel like I've been in a desert oasis for over a year and just starting to emerge from my sweet place into society. God's had enough of me resting and wants to make me climb that next mountain. And I finally feel ready for it and I welcome it. 

Because I'm rebuking the evil and taking all these new monastic practices with me. 

Get zen with it bitches.

Back to School 2021!!

I am quite happy to report that our Alice is back to school in person! Masks and all but she's in class! Do you know it has been over 500 days since school was closed from March 13, 2020?  Three days in I can report that we have a very happy child who gets to play with her best friend during recess every day and eat with her too.  We actually hear about what she does in class and she shares Good News and Bad News with us about what happened during the day. Our kid is not a verbal processor so we expected her to be very quiet and tried not to ask her a lot of questions but she surprised us! A happy surprise! 

Is she scared or traumatized or anything wearing a mask to school? NOT AT ALL. She's used to it. I feel like it's us as parents who are responsible for not making them afraid. We can equip them with tools to handle feelings of fear or concern and this is not a concerned or fearful child. If wearing a mask means she gets to go to school with all her friends then so be it.

Of course, I'm very much looking forward to her not having to wear one anymore and all of us as well but right now this is the easiest thing we all can do to keep each other safe. It's only temporary. I know it feels forever but it won't be. And look at Los Angeles. We had terrible numbers and strict rules but we abided by them and got vaccinated and now we live mostly able to do anything. Ball games, conventions, concerts, movies. It felt long at the time but now feels so temporary that people act like they've already forgotten the strict lockdown times. This too shall pass.

I did tragically lose a cousin to COVID on Sunday and it's just so surreal having to hear about it and not be together with my family in Mexicali and mourn together. That's just so hard in these times. How we just go this pain alone and isolated and a death becomes a statistic. He was not a number or a statistic. He was loved and special and our family. And we'll never get to be with him in person ever again.

Please be safe out there. Be prudent. Be wise. 

Who the son sets free is free indeed. 

My Solo Trips to Big Bear: PARENTS DO IT

Let's go way back to my journey with aloneness. I am the oldest of 5 children and was raised with noise and people around me constantly. I had created ways to get lost in my own world by staying up in my room on weekends when my sister was with her dad to journal and just enjoy my own company. When we were married pre-kids, I had loads of alone time when Matt would work. Then the kids were born and I was never alone. Ever. Definitely never on trips. I mean, yes, I would travel alone for work but I wasn't exactly on my own there. I'd either be sharing a room or house with a co-worker and work and dine with co-workers until the end of the day and only a few hours alone at night. Location shoots for production is exhausting. You're on call all day and night and there's nothing restful about it. 

For much of 2020 (even pre-pandemic) the concepts of rest, solitude, and silence became paramount to my mental health. Our marriage counselor suggested I try "doing one thing at a time" and the Solo Sunday rituals became a sacred time to myself to just do whatever I want. Usually it's cheese and Golden Girls but sometimes it's baths or cross-stitching time or writing. It works for me to feel refreshed going into a weekday. 

One of those Solo Sundays, after I had a run of events and celebrations and felt like I was free to rest again, I found myself in a bathtub reading bell hook's "all about love" which I've very slowly been reading over the year because the concept of love is so much more than we make it. Anyway... the chapter I was on was about self-love. Taking the time to care for your own self and learning how you like to be loved and deserve to be loved and if you can't show love to yourself how do you expect others to love you well? 

I'd already known that deep in my heart was the desire to take a trip by myself. I can't have quality time home because I'll feel like I have to do things and removing myself physically from a place frees my mind up to go inward to my heart. Anyway, bell hooks writing had me just nodding and saying you know what... now is the time... take the trip. So I booked 2 nights for myself in the cutest little cabin in Big Bear on Airbnb. 

There's something different about traveling by yourself that's different if you go with a partner or even a BFF. You can do WHATEVER YOU WANT WHENEVER YOU WANT. I dearly dearly love traveling with Matt, I feel like we're at our best together. BUT. I'm also traveling with a vegan that doesn't drink coffee or alcohol who likes to sleep in and take it slow. If it's EvY on EvY Time then I do whatever I want whenever I want with only one person to take into consideration: me.  

I learned the particular food habits of EvY on solo vacay. If I'm at an Airbnb with a kitchen I make myself a full breakfast (WITH MEAT. Things I can't do with a vegan in tow). I also pack myself a light lunch for the trail which this round was a Crustable. The second trip was a mini cheese plate. 

I am not a 'go out to eat' by myself person but I discovered that a crappy dinner out of a paper bag looks too sad so I like to treat myself to a nice dinner and eat alone at my place and fully plate the meal. I have not gotten used to eating solo at this level so I had a podcast with Brene Brown to keep me company. The episode was about Bishop Michael Curry talking about love. Felt perfect. 

I kept myself occupied cross-stitching, reading, and writing and taking hakes (fake hikes). 

On the first day of the trip I took a long hike and had a time of just sitting in silence and staring at this vista. No music. No podcasts. Just nature and Creator. And as I sat there in quiet for the first time in forever I heard a very clear voice from within tell me "You've been waiting for someone to hand you a diploma and tell you that you've graduated and are now a healthy person. Stop going into that cave and trying to fight that bear. You don't have to do that anymore." In no way did that make me feel like 'Hey I'm perfect'. But more like I have done the work of changing as a person into a healthier woman  (inside, working on the outside part now) and I can use that as a foundation to move forward. I don't have to keep mining my trauma to find something new to deal with, it's not affecting me the way it used to. I have reached a summit. And a voice told me the second day "It's time to climb another mountain." What that mountain is, I don't know. But it feels good to be facing the future instead of still feeling like I'm stuck in the past. For this revelation alone, the trip was so worth it. 

I also learned that I really enjoy having a cute space to live in. We truly are affected by our environments and this place really soothed my soul.

I am a full evangelist about telling parents to take these types of trips by themselves. Nothing like listening to the needs of your mind, body, and soul for days at a time to really balance a person out. You can't hear yourself when there's so much noise. The quiet helps you listen.

So I say: DO IT. If I had to give tips I'd say start small with a place that's driving distance but far enough away to feel like you are removed from daily life. Get yourself a place that doesn't feel very big and just enough for you alone otherwise you'll feel sad seeing an extra bedroom and feeling like the kids are supposed to be there. My place was the perfect size. Eat a few good meals. Don't bring your electronics or watch TV. Have some moments of absolute quiet with nothing to do but sit and listen. 

You'll be surprised what you learn about yourself and you'll be so grateful you did it. So go!

IT'S SUMMER 2021!

Well it happened. Alice did a full year of 1st grade from a computer. I can't talk about it too much, it's too sad. The person who really did all the heavy lifting around here other than our little lady was Matt who handled her daily Zoom log ons (I mean, Alice could navigate the whole website and app but Matt would remind her to log on and off all day), the meals for everyone, and making sure she did all her assignments and would upload them to Google classroom. It was a daily battle of wills and motivation and frustration. It's not the way a kid should have done school but she was safe and she reads and does some basic math. What more can we ask for?

Two major additions around here for the house have really elevated the already adorable backyard situation. One is a hammock chair that everyone in the family enjoys. 

And the other is a... fire pit! Huge hit around here. It adds so much ambiance and we've done some double dates, some dates just us and something about sitting around a fire is so wonderful: communal and primal? Fire. So simple. 

We got vaccinated fully May 5 so we're good to socialize and we're slowly dipping our toes in the waters of 'normal life'. It feels weird and just... great. 

I am about a week away from being done with my 6 month run with the magnificent people of Airbnb. We made some great spots and I got to do it safely from home. SO SO SO grateful. The week after next the kids will be going to their grandparents for a week and the week after that we're taking a family road trip to Reno and Las Vegas! I'm calling it Mild West since with two kids we can't get into too much trouble but I have taken to absolutely 100% overdoing it with themed outfits, a slideshow, and activities for the road and all kinda things. Wouldn't be me without all that! 

Hopeful that all your summers are starting off well with people and warmth.

New Year! Same Old Stuff!

Welcome to 2021. All our problems are over, everything is gravy... we're all fine. Everyone's fine. We're all fine here, now. Thank you. How are you? SIKE.

Los Angeles is at like 0% ICU capacity and people still won't stay home! Anyway...  since we're gonna be home home home for the foreseeable future, it's time to pivot to thinking about improving the front yard of our home. Currently... it's dead. Dead grass. The trees in the front yard of which there are currently 7 are all doing well though! It's not a place we spend much time in though it is nice for the kids to just run around the dead grass and throw balls to each other. But our dream is to make it become a much more welcoming place for some shrubbery, flowers, more trees, and some edible plants. Basically my dream is a drought tolerant California English garden. If that exists. If it doesn't... we're gonna make it so. So this is sort of rough inspiration ideas...  

love the little curvy gravel path

love this paver style

love the lushness

garden bed necessary

So while I was supposed to be working, I put all the thoughts in my brain down into a general/rough sort of proposed layout. Which breaks down into a zone for growing food, a grassy patch of faux grass so we can picnic, and a mini orchard along the perimeter with some areas for sitting and swinging.

The things to consider are that the front yard is a south facing and we get FULL sun out here all the time and we like, totally live in the valley so anything out here needs to be hearty. I know there will be some heartbreaking deaths of plants but hopefully once we get a little established it won't be much work and will just be some weekly larger scale maintenance and every other day watering/etc. 

We are so grateful to be healthy and well as we start this new year. I will be recapping our Christmas and New Year's celebrations and also the year in general (that'll take 1000 years) but I wanted to start the new year with a new post of things to look forward to at home. 

We love it here.