I don't know about you critters but I had to take a long hard look at myself after watching "the social network" tonight. Why am I online that way? Why do I chose to upload what I upload? Why do I have a blog? Which is the real me? Am I really friends with those friends?
Facebook is not real. Facebook is the place I don't take anything seriously. Unless it's serious, and even then it's like why are you posting that on Facebook? I don't want my co-workers knowing anything. If they saw my profile what would they learn about me that doesn't make me look boring. So I upload the funnies. I make the jokes, I upload the quotes and silly videos. It's not to pretend you are cooler than you are or to make yourself appear skinner than the 134.8 pounds that you really are. Yes, I weighed myself. I had to know if my suspicions were correct and mother eff how did I gain 4.8 pounds the past few months? Probably eating entire bags of movie popcorn.
But I digress.
There's some tiny social part of that social network and it's helpful with stalking of exes and finding out what relatives that live far are up to. So it's not utterly useless and a time waster. It's just a silly thing though. It's not for reals.
And neither is this blog. I am brutally honest in here, case in point the ousting of actual weight, and it's really my voice you're hearing when reading it. Literary voice... you know what I mean. Course if I wasn't fully aware my mother in-law and Matt's aunt were reading this, there would be a lot more swear words in it. I'm sure they already shudder when I write hell so often. But, that's me and that's how I talk, like a brutally honest person that's hiding her honesty with the funny. Also, if anything can be said at my funeral, I hope it will be EvY was funny so it's not only a part of my identity in life but hopefully when I'm dead too. How does that even make sense? Point is, that's one of my life priorities and it comes across. I married a guy who's funny. I like funny movies. I like funny people. And I find curse words when used in context to be funny.
Oh gee that was so my guilt with the swear explanation. I swear I don't swear that much. Only in context. And when I'm yelling at people from my car to the car that is driving way too fast near me.
Ambre asked me some tough questions about why even have a blog and what I really thought of facebook and the whole public writing process. I've been writing privately for many moons (1994) and have always had that unfounded sense of feeling that the thoughts in my head were entertaining or thought provoking enough to share with the world. Never had an outlet for such a thing until I went to college and there was this big giant empty file you can customize to whatever you wanted and my eyes grew large with possibility. TEXT! TEXT! More TEXT! People reading my writing. I guess that was the appeal. And while I did receive feedback on that text in college and even devoted part of the text to copy and paste what people had said about said text, I really didn't care if a single soul read it. BUT I wouldn't have put it out there if I didn't know that there was the possibility that a person would read it. I declared to Ambre that I didn't care if a single soul read it. If I really felt that way, I'd just set this sucker to private and have it for myself to read. But people do read what I write. Some claim they read it every day. Is it my writing you're coming back for? Or is it me? Bitchy bitter (hilarious?) me.
I do still write privately believe it or not, with a pen and paper, though considerably less than I used to since the act of typing is so much efficient time-wise. And those thoughts sometimes are very shallow and full of nonsense and sometimes they're deep and scary and make me wish I hadn't gone there.
What's the point of this blog anyway? I like home stuff and I do home things, here's my home things. Pretty basic really. Sometimes I go on little rants that offer clues as to who I am and what I'm thinking that doesn't involve re-decorating the master bedroom. I guess some of us just have that desire to share things with the world in their way with their own words and images.
So back to the real me. Who is this person with the capital Y?
That's for me to know.
And you to find out.
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