happier days

no, but really

I haven't been very inspired to write because to be honest, I haven't felt myself lately.

I've started and stopped a few posts about either deep thoughts or frivolous pursuits and haven't made up my mind which me I was going to put up here.

I wrote about it earlier but sort of glazed over the nitty gritty of it and now that I'm home and have time to think about things, it's been weighing on me heavily just how crappy it is to have no relationship with your mother. Well... I say that with a grain of salt because if you knew how peaceful it feels to not have to deal with her that it seems like it's a good thing. But it's still a failure. A failure to thrive, a failure to communicate, a failure to find common ground. At the moment I've completely blocked her from my life because I'm not strong enough to attempt to enter the path of the destruction she leaves in her wake, where she curses at me in all caps and tells me I'm worthless and live a false life and tells my sister awful things I can't repeat. All those arrows: they sting.

And it's a feeling that you're in the wrong because how could someone treat you this way unless they were right and you deserved it? Ah, but that's what we call being in an abusive relationship. Being in a bad relationship. Hot damn, I'm glad I wrote this down now, hadn't thought of it that way.

Mostly at the moment I've been reading and hearing a lot of people give a lot of opinions and share their lives in this way that I wasn't sure how I fit into the noise. So I started and stopped a lot of posts. I hope this one makes it.

puttering around

Alright so, when we last left off.... I did a Nike job which was about two weeks and a 1/2 and I'm in between jobs again so I am living that luxurious lifestyle of being a stay-at-home mom while hanging with stay-at-home dad, perfect child, family and friends nearby, lovely weather, activities a plenty in a large city, a zoo membership, and two annual passports to theme parks. Can't complain.

No seriously, the only thing I can complain about is the infrequency of jobs but I think it's a blessing in disguise to tell you the truth. Someday I know I'll have more jobs than I'll know what to do with but for now I'm enjoying every opportunity to hang at home with my little family even if it means tightening our belts a little. And while it looks like we got all manner of money or something, we actually live a pretty frugal life where we are are debt-free except for our mortgage, are mostly home and going to these theme parks in the end costs us parking at one, and only food at the other. Getting the Universal pass was only $40 more than a one day admission and since it's so close to home we went for it and have taken advantage of it as you can see by my and Ambre's wand duel.

Yeah we own wands.