some good things

Oof, it's been one insane week. Not only did we have to endure a week of the wackiest presidency we've ever seen and then the wackiest policies swiftly being imposed by a wacky man but I had four shoot days in a row! Four days of waking up really early and working for 12-14 hours is rough enough but doing that while 7 months pregnant is pretty dang tiring. I keep feeling like I'm mad at myself for being so tired but I keep forgetting that my body is not in a normal state and carrying this heavy load from the front and a heavy load inside my heart is just not helping anybody. Matt's stressed for me and wants me to just quit this insane addiction and stop worrying about our country and just focus on our family, the baby in my body, and the little girl we love. And he's so right. 

I have a plan to disconnect myself from facebook and twitter once the baby is born because stress is really bad for making milk and I will not have anyone deprive my baby of food. When that happens, I'm gonna count on all of you to make sure Yosemite is still around when I get back so I can take my children there. If they don't get to see God's handiwork in person, I'm gonna be pretty pissed.

BUT, as with this pregnancy itself: things are still good and better than they seem. For one, our country is speaking out against actions they think are unconstitutional and our faith leaders and even multi-billion dollar companies are showing examples of generosity and well, that's good! And do you know how many conversations I've had about topics like: sexual assault, sexism, and abortion over the past few weeks? In person, on set, not on social media. One of my closest friends in the industry is a straight up atheist and that doesn't hinder our friendship and we were able to have some deep conversations about faith and God and Jesus. On the night of the election my gay Asian friend called me for comfort and encouragement. And do you know why I was able to have that conversation with him? Because I was there. Because I didn't remove myself from the culture or from the people. We won't change hearts by yelling at them from afar and calling them names. We will change hearts the way Jesus did (as well as his large sermons): in person, one on one. In a way, although my faith has never been more challenged as I watched people I admire support a man like the one that's currently sitting alone, wife-less, friend-less, pet-less (not even a pet, geez!) in the White House; my faith is actually still strong and still there. For I put my trust in Jesus and no man, no political party. Gunning for political power is foolishness. But I'll tell you what, thinking of that isolated man, a man that represents a lot of things I loathe, I actually this morning prayed for him. Prayed that some person will reach him and talk him down and if he is beyond reach, that he be removed peacefully and legally. So even though rhetoric such as his has sowed so much discord, it has challenged us to challenge the things we see are not right. It has made allies of people you never thought could be allies. And I am all about crazy alliances/allegiances/friendships. 

Last week during my four day shoot I cannot tell you the amount of love my unborn baby and I were shown on set. Women fawned on me. Everyone kept checking on me. Everyone made sure I was safe. Everyone encouraged me and told me how baller I was for working in this capacity while so very pregnant. It made me think about abortion and the pro-life/pro-choice debacle in a new way. That's gonna be a hefty conversation of an essay I'm working on but I'll just leave this here: motherhood and women's desire for motherhood is changing the way they think about abortion. Whereas 10 years ago a 30-40 year old woman with a burgeoning career may have considered aborting a baby now, in the celebrity culture and straight up obsession with babies, that woman might keep that baby. And I'm happy to be a living example of a momma continuing to live her life while also having a baby. The time is ripe for conversations. Women supporting women. Men supporting women. It's time.

As has long been my release during my troubled childhood and teenage and young adult years, writing has been a saving grace. I don't wish to be as arrogant as Alexander Hamilton but I did write my way out. It was writing that helped me pass AP tests, it was writing in journals that kept me sane while my family and life around me deteriorated. It's writing that keeps me sane now.

I hope you will follow along. 

ideas for a shared room

Part of my need to nest and feel like I did something to prepare for this kid I've been gathering ideas and moving furniture and putting things back and taking things off the wall and browsing on Pinterest for shared ideas for a boy and girl and can't say I've been WILDLY inspired although these two big sister/baby brother shared room boards were very me. 

The absolutely have to change items are: 1) curtains 2) crib sheet for boy 3) changing pad. The have to add items are a bed for Alice and some artwork and accessories that's about him and not just her.

An aside about the bed for Alice. Originally I mentioned we'll just go right for buying a bunk bed and then only set one up but we don't have the space to have some spare bed hanging out so until the kids are ready for bunks which could be 2-4 years down the line, I think a toddler bed would be a nice in-between since they take up less space. To make myself feel better, there's a pretty economical version from, of course, Ikea that extends into a twin. Plus the style of it I felt really goes with the crib we have now but of course, the Ikea less than a mile from my house doesn't have it in stock. Bleep.

We are not fully ready to put her into a toddler bed for the simple fact that it's a containment system and one less thing we have to battle with while dealing with a newborn. Everyone and their mom has said "keep her in the crib" so that's our plan. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't want to get her used to the idea so before the baby's born, I want to introduce the bed into the room so she gets used to it the way I saw some bloggers introduce the bed to their daughter. Plus visually having both the crib and the bed would signify that this room is intended for two kids.

So anyway you put that together and roughly this is all the elements we have together. We wanted to introduce a sort of space theme for the boy. I kept trying to put the two elements together somehow in an easy to explain way and it finally came to me: Wonderland meets Tomorrowland.

Matt and I played around with the furniture arrangement and a measuring tape and I knew I wanted to have the crib and the bed on opposite sides with something in the middle to make them feel like that was their "side". Then you just put their artwork on their wall and boom.

Currently there's two versions. One with the dresser in between:

And one with the bookcase in between:

So that's where we're at with ideas and layout and execution plan. When we'll get to doing stuff? Maybe next month. I want to at the same time move forward with combining them to get Alice used to the new changes and at the same time keep things the same just for a little while longer... 

top 5 home items for 2017

Last year I kept it a minimum for a wishlist for the house and I got three out of five (no new toaster or big mirror) and that seemed simple enough so here's a list for this year

1) Hand Mixer. I have a stand mixer but I really need a smaller one for smaller jobs.

2) New Toaster. I still want a new 4 slice one.

3) Letter board. It's the new chalkboard.

4) Better Baby Gates. Once the baby gets mobile I want gates that I can open without having to jump over them and preferably the kind that retract.

5) New TV stand.

What with a three month maternity leave coming after I have this kid I doubt we'll be in a financial situation to buy anything but diapers but hey, maybe I'll work more after that and make money?

One can dream.

goals for 2017

Personal Goals:
1) Read even more books and spend less time on my phone. I got way better about book reading but just imagine how many more books I'd read if I spent less time lazily scrolling through newsfeeds.

2) After the baby's born, lose that baby weight. That'll mean eating healthy food and not the sugar and junk and taking the family on lots more walks because that'll be good for recovery and bonding.

3) Focus on God and others. Church, Bible study, Jesus podcasts, generosity, maybe some volunteer work.

House Goals:
1) Right sized rugs. I'd love to get a softer rug for the living room and a rug that actually fits the office. The one in the office is way too big and the one in the living room is way too flat.

2) Paint! Paint! Paint! If financials improve, I'd love to hire people out to just paint the living, kitchen, and our bedroom. I could probably do the guest bath myself but that room needs a full gut job.

3) Backyard turf. Again, if financials improve, I really want to fence and artificially turf the backyard play area. And I need to get on planting things.

Parenting Goals:
1) QUALITY time. She loves watching her TV and movies but I wanna turn them off and just play together. And since we'll be having a new baby to cuddle just enjoy holding him.

2) Enroll her in something social. A class where she can can socialize with some kids.

3) Survive. We'll have a newborn where we're gonna just be in survival mode with the lack of sleep and adding a girl who needs attention so we're gonna aim LOW and just do the minimum and just keep the kids alive, happy, and healthy.

Happy 2017! May you aim low and go high.