double beds

I'm anticipating that post before might stay up longer than I want to due to lack of time to update so I'm gonna push it down a hair and put up this image for no reason.

I love the look of these beds but oof that frame doesn't look comfy.

one year later

Well it’s been a year since the inauguration of that shithole into office. Things are amazing, I was so wrong. Ever since he became president we’ve seen unprecedented harmony and love between all Americans. People have never been nicer, racism is all but gone, and the US is the most respected and admired country in the world. He’s matured so much as a person, is super presidential and never acts unbecoming on Twitter or elsewhere.

NOT.

Come on y’all. It sucks. Every few days he throws some temper tantrum on Twitter that attacks someone personally amongst a plethora of annoying things that he and his administration handles.

In fact, here are some lessons I’ve learned from the president of the United States, things I hope to pass onto my children:

1. If anyone thinks unfavorably of you they are wrong and anything like a poll that says otherwise is a lie.
2. If anyone criticizes you, take that opportunity to make it personal and attack their looks, their past, anything you have at your disposal, use it. 
3. If a person of color or a woman criticizes me, I should be even more pissed. They are lower life forms and deserve to be attacked harsher than anyone.
4. If I do anything positive or good I should expect a huge amount of praise and thanks. It should be done publicly and quickly. If anything is not done to this specification, I am free to attack them any way I see fit condemning/wishing upon them any harm I can think of.
5. Ethics do not apply to me or my personal businesses. I am free to make money off of them and can promote them any way possible.
6. I was right in criticizing the former president of the US for golfing too much. Even though I am at one of my resorts golfing more times that he did his entire presidency I am still right.
7. White men are better and right. So if say a white rapper criticizes me I won’t attack him but if a Latina mayor of a town devastated by a hurricane criticizes my administration, she gets a thumping.
8. I can get away with anything as long as I claim/pretend that I’m a Christian. Ditto to anyone else running for office even if there are pretty substantiated claims that he is a pedophile.

That’s just like… SOME of the bad stuff. 

On top of that he continues to spout racist bullshit about Mexicans and how drug and crime infested it is that these illegals are just POURING into America throwing drugs and we still need that fucking wall he was talking about. What a racist crock. Instead of trying to be a real man and real person and real leader one could do something about illegal immigration in a way that was more what’s that word… decent and diplomatic? But his racist base demands some sound byte and that wall is his big thing.

Anyway, who gives a crap about that dweeb, this is about me and how I personally have been impacted by this joke of a human being. (I mean seriously you guys, he thinks that beauty pageants are cool. He thinks that branded steaks are high class. He hosted a reality tv show. JOKE.) Overall it’s not really affected me financially in any way so far and hasn’t affected my freedoms day to day. I’m waiting and waiting for some way this administration is going to screw me for being either Mexican or a mom or a female breadwinner but since I live in California I’ve been safe so far. I’m on pins and needles about the healthcare stuff and the  tax reform stuff because they claim the middle class is safe and would get a tax break, I’m not comforted. The healthcare stuff worries me because if premiums start going up I hope it won’t affect my employer provided healthcare since through it I insure my husband and two children. I pay an extra $450 a month which is not bad so I hope I hope I hope weird stuff doesn’t start happening. 

Emotionally though, it is taking a toll on me. Spiritually, I am affected. I have taken a break from reading Twitter or the news which is great for me. It’s hard to avoid not knowing everything but it was so exhausting so just getting the highlights is the best I can spare for now. I mentioned that I’ve been going to therapy and while I never want to go when it’s time to go I am so glad when I leave. It’s really helped me process things and realize what it is that I’m angry at. 

I was also in a deep darkness for a lot of last year and I have d d d depression. Hormones + fearing for my safety and safety of my children drove me down down down. Shutting down the news was step one and therapy was step 2. I hate how much time it took me away from my son’s first year. I feel like I missed out some the highs of his babydom because I was just so hurt and angry a lot of the time. But things are coming out the darkness a lot more and there’s a tiny light and some hope and well, time. Hopefully just 7 more years of that awful rhetoric, 3 more if God is merciful. 

Things haven’t been the same with my extended family since the election since a lot of them voted for him. I don’t trust any of them. I don’t really want to be around any of them. I understand I have to deal with people who don’t agree with me on politics and religion but do I have to enjoy and revel in constant bigotry and racism? Do I have to embrace the fact that they want to build a wall between the country that made me and the country that shaped me? Do I feel safe knowing that despite the fact that I’m Mexican and that my children are half Mexican that I am valued in their eyes? That they honestly care about me and want for my safety and well being? And don’t even get me started on what it’s supposed to mean that they consider themselves Christians and they thought the most Christian thing they could do was align themselves with such hate. Align themselves with such a man. I don’t know how to deal with this and that is the part that’s talked about a lot in my therapy sessions. 

Last year was pretty sucky. Actually it was just fucking awful a lot of times.

BUT.

This year. 

I have hope. I have faith. I have family. I have work. I have friends. Somewhere underneath all this racism and hatred there is still a country I loved and was proud of. We still have National Parks (for now) and libraries and public education (for now). These are things I had last year too but it was hard to see through the darkness. I will continue to fight against the dying of the light. Let's keep resisting.

bookcases flanking things with sconces

I like this concept for a guest room where you can fill it with pretty things but it's out of the way and completely space saving. And that you know they need lamps but there's no space so they sconce.

I consider this combination for the office a lot but I dunno if I need more bookcases in there. Plus I want them to be very specific like how the bottom is deeper than the top shelves. What's is that?

I am on my laptop on a Saturday while Alice watches a movie so I can kind of ignore her while Matt and Wally nap because a last minute job came up and now I guess I gotta work. I need more work. Xo.

the desk wall in the office

I decided when I laid out the office that the desk would be on this wall so that I'd have a space for a memo board of sorts and then we had an extra bookcase and that ended up in here and I've been thinking of what would be a good solution to this wall of desk to make it more streamlined and useful to what I think we could use in the office.

Ideally on this wall I would have a double desk and both closed and open storage. A double desk because well, I have two kids and maybe they could do homework here or I could be on one while they're on the other and one could be the boys and one the girls desk. Also sometimes I work from home and have co-workers so a built in double desk would be amazing. Probably my favorite/best inspiration is this built-in desk that was on Domino. Plus it was in green and white and pink with gold accents which are my major color combos for the office!

I also found this cheaper idea at Ikea which is a customizable wall mounted situation and it doesn't stick out too much into the room and we want as much moveable space as possible in this room. Plus it wouldn't be so permanent as the other built in. I just dunno if I'm wild about the look, but the concept yes, it's all one unit.

They do make these kind of double desks as well but I would want some wall mounted shelving as well since I do still need a hearty amount of storage. Or do we? I've been pruning away at the office and I just want to eliminate as much as possible because we already have so much stuff in there furniture wise and things wise. I have made a philosophical decision that any overflow toys would live in the kids room because we have enough toys out there already, I don't want to have to make room for spare toys in there on top of the toys in the living room AND their room?! Their closet already has art/crafting supplies. So the office will be just for office supplies/party planning/gifting.

I'm back to the drawing board in there literally working on the room board and shuffling things around. I'll post something when I think it through a little more. 

top 5 home items for 2018

Last year and the year before that I made a short list of a few home items I wanted and since I got 4 out of 5 I'm gonna say we did good. So here's what would be nice to upgrade keeping in mind that these are just small things that would work if we remodeled. I guess I'm feeling super wordy so this is gonna be unnecessarily long but if you don't wanna read, just look at the pictures.

Overall I'm committing to the "modern farmhouse" thing in that I ONLY want to buy things that would work in other rooms of the house if I felt the need to switch things out. Which basically means anything I buy needs to be black/white/grey and in the style of that aesthetic. I also have a major regret with the master bed and bathroom in that I wish I wouldn't have done the midcentury modern brass thing because now I want to keep the style consistent for the whole house and that room is sort of an outlier (and the office but the office is a funky playroom so it is what it is and I'm cool with it). I did do a few things recently to correct that and we replaced the brass curtain rods with more classic b&w ones which is good, luckily I bought side lamps that work earlier, and the doorknobs are all black too. If I would take it further I would replace the hardware in the bathroom to black. I would keep the midcentury modern furniture until they crapped out which is years down the line. I don't hate them by any means but my style has changed/evolved.

1) Rug upgrades for office/laundry/kid room. I have a problem with rug committing and rug choosing and just... rugs. I chose the wrong sizes, I go for cheap ones that I get sick of and as of right now I am only really into the rug in the living room and maybe the runner. The dogs ruined the rug in the laundry room, I am not wild about the rug in the kids room and I really would like a proper sized rug for the office. Right now it has a rug that was way too big for the living room and barely fits in there but I haven't found a replacement yet. I've realized that what works in our house are the flat wool type rugs with a nice soft felt pad underneath to keep them from sliding and make them softer underfoot. I need things that can be easily vacuumed and for babies to crawl on and not get lint on their hands that they then try to eat. We definitely need a new rug for the laundry room that the dogs won't chew up, they already destroyed another one. I want a better rug for the kids' room and obviously a proper sized one for the office. I am gonna need to mock rugs up in rooms before I commit and read reviews and measure very carefully before I decide to buy which will probably be from RugsUSA.com so we're talking online purchase that I can't see in person. This is Matt's most hated obsession of mine. Once I get them right I'm done! Right?

2) Matching side tables for the office. I didn't quite think through the office side table situation, we just used what we had and now that I've lived with it I think we just need some simple matching side tables that we can use when guests come over and also to stash my magazines on one side and guest blankets on the other and the top drawers can hold remotes and guest room supplies. 

3) Smaller lamps for the office. The lamps we have now are these HUGE mirrored lamps that used to work in many rooms in our house but our style has evolved and I want something smaller that suits the room. Simple and small and modern.

3) Replace light in the master closet. It's a boob light right now and it needs to go.

4) Proper desk chair. I have this very large dining chair there now and I do often wish I had one with wheels that would roll in and out easily but then I start to think hmm would Alice confiscate it to ride in it? Maybe I should get one without wheels.

5) Kitchen Faucet. We won't be doing any remodel type stuff but one thing that might be necessary would be a new faucet for the kitchen. The one we have barely moves and it can always be used again when we fix up the kitchen. 

There's tiny things I'd like to do too but these are purchases. I have high hopes that before we hit the five year anniversary of our house (NEXT MONTH) we will finally paint the living room and kitchen and maybe our master bedroom? ONE CAN DREAM. 

2018! We are here.

TWENTY EIGHTEEN WOOOO. The last month of 2017 was actually pretty good to great so I ended well and am starting this year very optimistically. I had a break full of productivity and nothing and socializing so when I went to work today I felt content. Which is a good feeling to have when you're a person battling depression. And these little joys certainly help.

New Year's Eve and New Year's is a big day for me. I love ending and starting things I guess? I also love the idea and themes and general what have yous of New Year's such as glam and gold. We hosted a few couples for my annual chili (3rd year in a row!) and I went all out with the table. I think I've been collecting New Year's Eve party ideas for awhile now and was glad I finally got to execute a few of them like a disco ball and clocks. Oh and the perfectly tipped over coupe, come on. 

I've got to recap 2017 soon and then I owe a few lists for house goals and personal goals.