I remember my wedding. Who doesn't. I remember that I felt like I didn't get to hang out much with our guests. You're whisked away and away and don't get to mingle because of the ceremony and pictures and all that. But this time, not having to be segregated from everyone was almost more fun because what relationship is closer than that of a brother and sister? I mean, we know all the same people so his guests are our guests, our family's guests. My guests. Greedy? MY BLOG. You don't like it go to Russia.
Wait, come back, Russia's cold.
My brother put more work into his wedding than I've seen anyone put into anything lately. He and Gaudy physically bought mostly everything and stored it in their home and got it all ready. Then, he was there Friday night, Saturday morning, and Saturday THE NIGHT OF HIS WEDDING to help setup and tear down everything. Yes he had help, not enough Saturday night, but he was there every step of the way. The difference between my brother and every other groom out there with a few exceptions is that my brother, like his big sister, is an event planner. He's got way bigger scale than me by a long shot. He orchestrates big live events with giant staffs, technicians, and vendors. So when I asked my brother how he was feeling and he said that he was treating it as just another event, I knew exactly what he meant. That's exactly how I treated my wedding. Staff, callsheet, schedule, it's all the same to us. A production.
But the big difference, was that on top of being the ones behind the scenes orchestrating and directing, this was the day where we were "in front of the camera" so to speak, something we're not used to. Something we'd rather not do. Yeah yeah we're showmen, no doubt, being center of attention at a table cracking jokes, we're on it like white on rice. But being the "bride" or "groom", not so much.
Thank goodness I'd had a wedding already. Because I knew how it worked, I'd been there. I wish I could have been there more for my brother, I wish I could have been Mrs Wedding Planner but my job prevented me from being too involved. But my brother, first person he called for anything was his big sister. Where can I get trees? Where do I get linens?
One of the best memories for me so far, is having been there Friday night before the wedding setting up for the next day. My gosh how it brought back film fest memories. Planning the Biola Film Festival has been one of the happiest memories I have. It was planning that festival I saw all of my strengths and weaknesses and the pure adrenaline of the process kept me going happily and helped me see what I wanted to do for a living. Make order out of disorder. Make sense out of chaos.
It was so similar. Night before the event a late night at the venue, setting up lights, setting up the technical stuff, staying up late, even wearing a guerilla film society t-shirt. All that excitement, energy, exhaustion. Even though I went to bed at 4am, I woke up at 8am refreshed and ready to go, too excited too sleep, too much to do. Too happy for my little brother. Who needs sleep?!
I went to Target to buy some last minute things I needed (*cough*straplessbrathatfits*cough*) and came back home to find my beautiful sister Elizabeth had made pancakes, eggs, and hash browns for us. I could have cried. I was stretched to the limits and have been for the past few days/weeks and having someone pick up the slack is nothing short of a gift from heaven. Matt and Liz cleaned the house, vaccumed, took out trash everything in preparation for my Mexicali family's arrival. And on top of that, here she was making me breakfast, something I do all the time for them and she knew I wouldn't have time to do today.
And arrive they did, right before Matt and I left. The kids rush in excited beyond belief to see cats and rooms and dogs and and and. I was so happy to have a big house they could run around in, that they thought was cute and kept saying your house is beautiful. Gosh is anything better than that? You noticed? Really?! You like it?! Sure I know its cute but people agreeing is just geez, doesn't get old.
Matt and I got to church an hour early and the wedding started an hour late so we had time to have my youngest sister do my makeup and greet guests. Even the makeup putting on was like the film festival, Alison and I got ready in the hall, got dressed in the bathroom of Sutherland. But as I sat there with my two younger sisters peering at me while putting makeup on me I looked into their eyes and these women were staring back and me and I shed some freaking tears. They're so grown up.
Day of the wedding. My brother, remember, maxed to the limit and down to the wire, had got an officiant at the last minute and what they failed to do was go over the order of the ceremony with him. So here we are day of wedding, officiant does not know order. Will not start wedding without it. Wedding coordinator asks bride. I practically stand in front of the bride and protect her because she is looking nervous about it. I'll do it, I'll go with my brother, we'll talk about the order, I'll tell it to the dude. Bride nods. I grab a paper off the wall, grab a pen from someone, hastily scribble order. Welcome, bridal party dance, bride entrance, gives woman away question, etc. I rush over to the officiant and go over it and hand him the paper. I tell everyone we're ready to go. "We're going" "We're going". We signal the officiant, and we start.
My brother had orchestrated a big entrance for the bridal party and our family. We danced down the aisle like that video on youtube only with a more latin beat. And better. We'd all rehearsed it but come wedding day, everyone all of a sudden is asking Ab what the order is, when are we going, who's next. I had to pull everyone away from him and make us figure it out on our own. And we did. And it looked great.
And might I say that I saved the day a little bit? Or a lot? He had edited the track we were walking down the aisle to and sent it to me via email so I could give feedback. For some reason, maybe divine intervention, I saved the file into my iTunes and put it in my iPhone. So when the day came and all of a sudden on his computer my brother didn't have the track, guess who did on her phone? Amen.
I cried a lot during the ceremony. I'm a sucker for weddings. I love weddings. But watching the little kindergartner I used to drag around the playground proudly introducing him to all my first grade friends and making him late for his first day of school vow his life to a woman. Too much to handle! I kept seeing his big smiling face and beautiful woman he was marrying and a big old sigh of relief going through all of my mind, body, and soul. This is her, she's the one for him, they're perfect. No doubt in my mind. Seeing all that love and commitment there, what could be better?
Then was the picture taking. Wedding photography is the worst thing ever. It takes a long time. Interrupts the day but is completely necessary. Wedding photographers are overpaid hacks (generally). I have mixed feelings about mine. Not the photographer, he was great, just not so thorough. On the one hand I wish we'd posed for more photos Matt and I. On the other I hate all that cheesy boring bullcrap posing. On the other, how many photos do I possibly need of us posing and looking cute? I have nothing from our wedding printed except four wedding photos in picture frames. But these four pictures I love so much, I know it was all we needed. And we took about 20 minutes taking photos with the family and maybe 5 with just Matt and I. I know, we played it close, what if we'd hated them all right? Well we got lucky. And we only lost 30 minutes before we came back and joined the family at the reception and scarfed some tamales and continued mingling and all that.
This photo session, I hope they got good pictures. It was in a park at dusk, fingers crossed. The bridal party went and I realized after the groomsmen and myself all went one way and the girls another that I was selected to be a bridesmaid because I was related to the groom.
So I kinda belonged with the groomsmen and it made me feel relieved to be one of the boys. Boys I'd grown up with and practically consider brothers.
And speaking of dresses. It was a beautiful one. Thanks Gaudy for not putting us in something hideous. I will never wear it again and it cost a pretty penny but I have a collection of ballgowns going for when my nieces are old enough so they can play dress up with them.
Another fun thing I helped the bride and groom with was I was taking pictures of the setup because like I've mentioned I'm the documentarian in our family and took pictures of the tables set up and the reception and everything. On our way to the park my brother asked how the cake looked because they had NO IDEA what it would look like. By the way my dad's sister who owns a bakery made the cake. Yeah family affair! Anyway, as luck would happen I did take a picture of the cake and showed it to them and watched as they breathed a sigh of relief because the cake indeed was lovely.
Updating my brother was an important part of my day. It's something that we do with our production assistants, we never assume something happened, we always confirm doubly that things have been done and are in motion. When my family arrived, I told him, when we were on our way, I told him, when the cake was on its way, I told him, when the cousin that was bringing the water was close, I told him. Actually all that happened at once and I sent one big text but he was updated and knew things were moving according to plan. Speaking of texts, this one is from the bride on her wedding day:
Well this is the part that disappoints me about this day. And not for me but for my poor brother and his wife. Us groomsmen arrived a few minutes before them and waiting for me at the table was my handsome husband and a plate of food. What a man. I was chattering a mile a minute and Matt and his parents practically forced me to eat. I shove food in my mouth. Mmmm. Then mingle and mingle. Finally! This is what I wanted to do all day, hang with my family and friends and be happy for my brother. Ab and Gaudy enter and do a little dance and pose for pics with the cake and we do a toast and they go from table to table taking pictures with everyone and they don't ever get to eat. Then they get whisked away for unkown reasons and disappear never to be seen again. Actually I know the reason but can't hash it out here, I'd just get angry again. Because of this we missed doing the slideshow, the dollar dance, and a plaque presentation for the mommys. I think they saw and hung in the reception for about an hour if that, that's all they got to enjoy of their wedding reception that they'd put so much thought and effort not to mention money into. But that's a wedding. Lots of ups, some downs.
After the wedding my family ended up at my house and it was hilarious chaos. As sucky life would have it I had to be at the office the next day at 5am. Really unfair. I hated that once again my family's in town and I can't be there for them. I mean, how often is my Mexicali family in town? Hardly ever! I tried to enjoy them the best I could for the short amount of time I had with them that night and I was so happy I could host them in my home, even if I wasn't there for most of it.
Since the wedding my brother and I are closer than we've ever been and my sister in-law and I have cemented a new friendship built on lots and lots of love. Love I saw even the next day while I was stuck in the office and my new sister sent me this to feel included though I wasn't there.
A few weeks after the wedding I mentioned to my brother that I realized I was a groomsman in a dress...
"I know, if you would have been a boy I would have made you best man".
I cried.
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