feliz navidad

We had a nice Christmas with my familia at our home. My mom and Francisco made maybe the best pozole I've ever had and we had whoever could make it here plus the kids. 

It was a different kind of festivity this year with some family hiccups but I don't think we've ever felt closer to each other. 

money and time

We've started a new series at church called "The Space Between" about living life within margins. I don't quite have the time to expand on the concept but it's been really hitting home lately. The first one was about finances and the second one was about time. Time and money, the two things everyone could use more of right? So it's about those two things my brain has been going.

Money. This year has been TIGHT with finances. The primary breadwinner went and had a baby and then didn't work for three months planned, a fourth month kinda planned, and a fifth month definitely not planned. The first three months I had a maternity leave money but the other two we just ate into savings. Work was slow. Then after that it was off and on with three weeks unintentionally just a few weeks ago. And then our AC broke and we had to replace it and that was not cheap my friends. I make a pretty good living when I work so working nonstop for about three months was really helpful but not enough to help us bank extra savings and definitely not enough to qualify for a refi which we applied for a few weeks ago. Just last week my sister in-law called and we chatted about the refi and it was just after a sermon about money and living within margins and after Matt and I went and cut everything we needed to cut in our finances and not spending anything on anything other than food (and some smart christmas present fenagaling). She told me we didn't qualify because my income didn't show that I was steady which totally makes sense. I can't even say it was disappointing to hear. We did want to do the refi and cash out to do the remodel we were talking about but I just felt this big sense of peace about waiting. Just wait 'til next year. Wait 'til I am working steadily again. Wait 'til we replenish savings. Wait. Just wait. And you know me and wanting to do projects I am alllll about them. But honestly, it just wasn't ranking high on things that were super important. We own a house. In California. In greater Los Angeles. In a popular neighborhood. I mean, sheesh, that's huge enough. And I am grateful every single day about it, I really am. I'm not sitting here like ugh I hate this house, I hate this kitchen blah blah. I love this house. I love our kitchen. I just want to make them better. That's just the nature of me: I want better. But right now, we're just gonna wait. We're gonna do the little things we can do in the meantime and then we'll try again later to apply and who knows what will be going on by then. Hopefully: more money.

I got into this chat with Matt about wanting less things and realizing that the things I wanted and kept wishing for were just better versions of things I already owned. Which means: I don't need those things. They're not high on the priority list. And when time comes to upgrade things I don't want to cut corners anymore. I want to invest in things that we will like and that will last. This includes clothes too. Instead of three crappy cheap jeans, one pair of good ones that fit well. Etcetera.

And time. I think our pastor talks a lot about busyness because that's the nature of the town we live in. Everyone's always "busy". Matt and I are not "busy" per se. We don't have a lot of time because we have two small children and our days are consumed by them. They are needy of our time and desperate for our attention. Most weekends we're pretty free and we only have one weekly scheduled activity (small group/bible study) and the rest of the time it's just trying to carve time with the kids and each other. When I'm working I want to come home as quickly as possible and spend it with the kids before they go to bed around 8/9. Then wake up, get ready, go to work, try to get home as quickly as possible and spend it with the kids before they go to bed around 8/9. Repeat. So that leaves little time for each other or ourselves outside of work and the kids. Some nights we watch a tv show, some nights I organize something in the house, some nights I work, and some nights I just spend time alone watching tv or right now I just felt like I wanted to write a little bit just 'cause. I feel guilty about time and wasting time. I waste a lot of time. I prioritize things in weird ways sometimes. I start projects that can wait. I am carving out time to go to therapy every few weeks which is becoming a pretty good thing. I need time for me and I've been needing to take the time to deal with my stuff for decades and now is the time. If not now, when? Good a time as any. And we still need more time alone me and Matt. We still crave that quality time just the two of us. Which I am grateful to have that feeling. We like hanging out together after all this time and that's good!

The sermon this week asked this: What does it mean to number my days?

+ - > <
What do I need to add?
What do I need to remove?
What do I need to do more of?
What do I need to do less of?

I'm gonna start there. And I'm gonna stop here. Because it's time... for bed.

revised ideas for the laundry room

So the laundry room has had a few things done so far on this list: we installed that overhead light that's pretty as a picture, we installed upper cabinets, and we painted the room blue. I've updated the ideas list and here's where we at.

Things to do next:
1) Replace the old washer and dryer with two front loaders
2) Build a countertop surface over the washer/dryer/lower cabinets
3) Install lower cabinets, dark grey ideally
4) Replace crappy tile floor with pretty tile floor
5) Add beadboard around the room? Would that look good?
6) Install a pocket door by the entry to the kitchen?
7) I still am loving the idea of a sink in here. These guys did a really tiny one and it's great.

ideas for the kid's bath

I assume that the first thing we'd gut and do would be the guest bath. Probably because it's teeny and probably because the bathtub in there is currently peeling and awful. The main problem with this bathroom is that it is oh I already said that: teeny. I have two ideas for what would make it look bigger. 1) a sink that isn't a cabinet to give more floor space 2) a pocket door. Overall I want it to be black and white and grey: duh. But also some wood and brass to soften it up. I have very specific rules about hardware and fixtures and my rule is: all chrome fixtures and hardware I like to be black usually. I want the bathroom to be modern yet classic, industrial yet soft. So a flower shower curtain with a pipe curtain rod. A slate black floor with a striped or polka dot rug. Etc. 

These are kinda general ideas and not quite specifically these items per se but this is the general idea. I'd like to tile the entire shower area tub to ceiling and then tile the walls about I dunno, halfway up around the whole room with white subway tile with black grout and dark grey paint from tile to ceiling. Once I put it all together it was like oh, all those things do make sense. 

spark into a flame

I threw a good party and I have time off. Those two things are leading to my brain being maxed out on inspiration and creativity. The party made me cook so that got me thinking about kitchens and recipes and the time off has me reading magazines and since Thanksgiving cooking is around the corner I'm feeling like spending some time in the kitchen again. And wishing my kitchen were this pretty. Also decided I want inset cabinets and I'm SUPER over farmhouse. Sorry Jo, I think I want something a little more classic and timeless than shiplap.

The cooking made me fantasize about a fall picnic. Gosh doesn't that sound dreamy? Even better if everything looked this cute right?

Halloween decorating ideas are still on my mind. I don't do orange, it's just not a color I do. We do black and white. And my Halloween style is more Victorian Gothic so lots of "The Raven" with bits of like apothecary and mad scientist lab. No demons or devils or jack o lanterns. Skulls. 

The Good Housekeeping issue for Thanksgiving is So. Good. One side of the issue has the most incredible looking recipes and I plan on making everything on one particular page and the other side of the issue has this great fall fashion spread that is making me want some new heels and a pleated skirt. Though a pleated skirt is a year-long thing. I love a good pleat. Also: fall florals. Can't get enough! I love them I love them I love them. Blush pink with grey and white and black. YES.

Okay it's almost 1am so I better get to bed. It's just so nice and quiet right now and my brain is craving pretty things. Just a few more web hits and then I'll go to bed.

halloween time on the farm 2017

It's that time of the year! Yikes, unbelievable that it's going by as quickly as it is. I think babies accelerate time, it's science. After summer of course we went full on Halloween Time and Alice loves it. She's been enjoying Halloween things and is really into "The Nightmare Before Christmas" which pleases her father to no end. The decor around the house had a few additions. 

This little cameo hangy thing. Really goes with my "gothic fall" thing. 

We got yet another small white pumpkin. Honestly I'd buy a billion of these plastic pumpkins and put them around the house, that's just me.

The entry looks like this:

We got this as a gift last year, Alice is kinda obsessed with it.

And for our anniversary Matt got me flowers and as they died and dried they looked even better than when they were alive. 

I finally wrapped our latest big job and have nothing lined up at the moment so I'll enjoy a few days, hopefully a week of home life and then hit it hard to make money for the holidays. 

ten

On September 22, Matthew and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. A decade together and I don't know anyone I'd rather spend more time with doing fancy dinners and then hitting batting cages together. I'm not sick of him and I love him more now than when we first got married.

We got hits. Those softball pitches are real confidence boosters.

You're my favorite person to hang out with my dear friend. Let's keep this party going.

who takes care of you?

So I started therapy again. How's that for an opener? I went a few years ago to start dealing with my mom stuff but stopped due to laziness then children and after all that's been going on I decided probably good idea to go back. I went once but already I can see an overarching theme to the things going on and that is: who takes care of me?

I'm that person that takes care of people. I'm that person that naturally defaults to leadership. I have a tendency to be a mentor. I am a supervisor at work. I'm the big sister. Etc. All my life I've been that way and that has left me neglecting one person: me. Not taking care of my personal time. Not taking care of my body. Not taking care of my spirit. Not taking care of my mental health. I am low priority. And I mean, why does it matter? Who cares if I don't get time to take a bath or a massage or whatever except... that because I have three people depending on me. I have a mortgage and tenants. I have two kids and a husband. If I am not healthy, if I am not well, I am of no good to anyone. If I fall down the whole cookie crumbles. So while I may give a lot of myself to the good of everyone, I gotta learn to be good to me.

She says while pumping and staying up 'til midnight finishing up her work from the day since she didn't have time to finish and then only pumped once the whole day and ate lunch at 2pm and didn't have dinner and didn't drink enough water. Obviously, I have a lot of work to do.

we survived mommy doing a two jobs!

I owe you a post but needless to say two kids plus mommy working two jobs was much harder than just when I went back to work with one kid. We're trying to work out this new normal and haven't quite figured it out yet but we're hanging in there though it did get pretty hairy with my emotions for awhile there. I think I have postpartum D. Sad face emoji. Okay gonna go nap with the family.

these two, us four

Momma is tired. Back to working mostly full time and man, two kids has been tiring at night. Either one or the other has been waking up and it's been... rough on me. Somehow I'm surviving. Somehow we're all surviving. Matt has been keeping them healthy, fed, entertained, alive. I've been pumping the milk and making the money. We're a team. 

Wally's gone from being easy to being a fussy baby. But I think he's turning it around hopefully? Will I ever sleep 8 hours in a row ever? Maybe in a few years.

i've let myself go

This is something that I tell myself when I look in the mirror at my overweight body. Man EvY, you've let yourself go. And like... when I say that it's obvious that I am talking about how my normally much thinner self is no longer thin. Temporarily no longer thin. Because I will get there again, I can. I will. And I'm not even saying that I'm not cute or that I hate myself or anything like that, it's more of I know I can look better in clothing.

One place that I associate with the better me and my style in particular is New York. Because I am obvious. I don't even remember feeling like people were better dressed that much better than I was but I just remember knowing that I could do better. A part of it is a cheat because the times I was there it was cold and all you need to make an outfit look good is a cool jacket and if you know me you know I know my way around a cool jacket. But somehow my style developed and settled after those trips to the Empire State. Yeah, mostly black and white, some color, casual but dressed up. Me. Though back in 2013 I was rocking sneakers with way more things than I should have but they're cool now so let's pretend I was ahead of the game 'kay? I look at my mirror selfies from back then and it's still me. Just the cuter version of me.

The funny thing about my feeling that New York is associated with this cool girl before kids because New York... caused children. After that trip I found out I was pregnant and of course, things were never the same again. I let my body go. I was running up to 5 miles three times a week and was running in New York up until I got back and stopped running almost immediately after that pregnancy test was positive because as you recall, I got SUPER sick with Alice and barely held anything down and all food was disgusting and I was never in the mood to run. After she was born I lost weight really quickly due to the nursing but as I've mentioned before instead of being careful I ate horribly and gained a ton of weight that I never lost because I was, you know... a working mom that prioritized sleep over fitness. And after two years of that I went and got pregnant again and was even SICKER with the boy. But now he's born, now he's five months old and now I have two children and a husband and a house and a job (sometimes) and no time to myself.

I have let myself go.

My day revolves around them. My thoughts revolve around them. And my body is still feeding one of them. My body wakes up and goes to work so I can provide for them no matter how little sleep I got. I am my lowest priority right now.

I really have let myself go. As mothers do for their children, for their families. We let go of me.

I went and scrolled back through these old pictures of our life before the kids and I found workout selfies of a much thinner, fitter woman and found photos of things I'd see during my runs. Runs in San Diego, runs in Chicago. And one particularly long run in Central Park. I would usually run one route but that day I decided to go a different route and went past the Central Park Zoo and came across something that stopped me dead in my tracks. It was the Alice in Wonderland statue. I came across it totally accidentally but knowing it existed and always wanting to see it in person. I walked around it and read the inscription and said to myself someday I'll bring my kid here.

What I didn't know at the time was that Alice was there. Teeny tiny but she was there inside of me about to change my life in a way I never knew possible. Changing my body in a way I never knew possible. Stretching it, aching it, it would never be the same again and I have the stretch marks and scars to prove it.

And now that both of my kids are here, now that I am (almost!) done sacrificing my body to house them within me and feed them with it on the outside of it, I need to make efforts to take care of my body again. I've let myself go and it's time to find myself again.

back to work

Y'all know me still same old G.

Mommy's first day of work in an office.

Alice's birthday was my first day of work. Luckily we celebrated more when I got home.

Matt sends me adorable pics while I'm working.

He rolls to his belly a lot more now.

This little face is what I stare at while pumping at work.  Das right foo, I provide for my family while providing milk for my son from my body. Brining home the bacon and the breastmilk.

These faces greet me when I come home.

I could not be luckier.

h&m kids clothes: matchy matchy

My favorite clothing store for kids is actually H&M. They have a killer selection of simple and adorable graphic clothing for modern kids. For funsies I made a few boards of outfits that I'd match the kids in if I was the type to match children. Which by the way I totally am. I don't do identical outfits but I tend to put them in the same color family or similar themes, especially if I were to take them somewhere like say... 

Disneyland

Horton's Hayride or other Musical Events

 The LA Zoo

The Aquarium

 The Boardwalk

 A Church Picnic or Spring Wedding

Comic Con

 Knott's Berry Farm

I made these boards months ago and then you know... the kids. They took over. 

pretending to design a kitchen is fun: part 2

In my copious free time (sarcasm) with the two kids I've been continuing to pretend I have a kitchen to design. Once you start putting things together that you like you start noticing where you're lacking or what you're overdoing. After I put all the basic elements together you see the top two rows I realized man, all that black white and grey makes it look really you know... black white and grey. But it's an easy enough fix: add some color/warmth. So the accessories like the colorful bowls we have, wood shelves, wood cutting boards, flowers, copper accessories, these things will help warm it up and make it more us. 'Cause I love b/w/g but I am all about pattern and color too.

The other things on the board aren't specific or exact. 

Things we already have that we wanna work with:

- The black hardware pulls

- The Samsung fridge

- The Samsung microwave

Things I know I want for sure:

- Farmhouse sink from Ikea (it's cheap and has two sections unlike most farmhouse sinks).

- A dishwasher that disappears into the cabinetry.

- A chef style range that slides in and is flat on top (like no buttons by the backsplash area) and either looks like the one above or is the Samsung version. Honestly an oven is an oven to me. I've made amazing food with cheapy stoves so I just want something that's gas and works and is purty.

- Subway tile backsplash with white grout or grey grout. Not sure how much contrast I'll be into. I'm also into the beveled style subway tile. 

- Countertops either marble style (could be cheaper quartz or whatnot) or plain white. I keep thinking what will photograph well or look good when we host and set out buffets. 

- Grey lower cabinets and white upper cabinets. A few glass front cabinets too.

- Gingham backsplash. Like this but gingham pattern.

- Chrome faucet and pot-filler. 

- Pendants over the island that are not very showy and almost disappear.

- An island that can seat 4 with simple counter stools with backs.

- A black toaster.

- Wood open shelves with simple black brackets.

pretending to design a kitchen is fun

I punched in the measurements for the kitchen and imagined what it would look like using the Ikea kitchen planner tool.

It's really fun designing a kitchen, you don't realize how many elements come into play and what looks good with what in terms of hardware/backsplash/paint/cabinets/etc. 

copper: modern vs not

I bought a copper paper towel dispenser awhile ago and while I love it and it looks good in the kitchen, something about it made me feel it wasn't quite right with our kitchen. That's when I realized to make copper work in a kitchen like the one that I want which would be a more traditional / english country kitchen / modern farmhouse the copper has to look vintage, not modern.

Observe: modern copper.

Vintage looking copper.  See the difference?

Here's some modern looking kitchens with vintage copper things.

I have seen some kitchens where that modern copper look really fits but, for a modern traditional kitchen, gotta go with a vintage looking copper. 

that second child

We've had two kids for three months and I can honestly say it's been a lot of highs and a lot of lows. The highs and lows are a heightened level from our abalone. She's cute, sweet, smart but now with the addition of the second kid she's experiencing a lot of jealous moments and acts out just because well, she's two, and because she doesn't know how to explain "Hey mom, I want you to stop looking at him because I am worried that you'll love him more than me and and look at me instead so I'm gonna throw things so you can pay attention to me." 

There are days when she is a legitimate terror. Basically she seems to think that she's the only person in the house that matters and we should all bow to her whims and wishes. I want this, I want that. Who cares if mom, dad, or little brother need to eat, sleep, or poop, it's all about her her her. Thursday in particular was rough after she threw a giant tantrum about not wanting to take a nap and then later on about taking a bath. All this while I'm trying to pack for a weekend for the three of us and let me tell you I learned my lesson. From now on if I have to pack, I gotta do it when she's asleep. The boy is a piece of cake but she needs to be out of my hair to be able to do anything otherwise she's just all up in my business and setting me back to zero. I wish I could tell you I handled it with grace and patience but no, I told Matt to take her before I lost my mind. As I changed her diaper I just told her "Alice, you are not the only person in this household. Mom and dad are in charge. This is not Alice's house, Alice lives in this house but she is not the only one. I want you to have fun and give you everything you want but Mom, dad, and Wally have to eat and sleep too. " I dunno if she understood any of it but she was at least quiet as I told her this. It's a mantra I have to repeat to myself honestly.

So about that second child. Who is Walter Rey Fredrich? He is cute. He is smiley. He is easy. He's gotten into a routine now and we did pretty much nothing to make that happen. I told a group recently if I'm gonna give you any advice it's "don't listen to any advice". Everyone had their ideas as to what works when getting a kid to sleep through the night and I honestly think that they just get their on their own. Wally started sleeping from 11pm-6am on his own with very little effort on our part. At first I fed him every two hours, then I fed him every three hours, then I fed him every four hours, and then one day, it was longer. He did that. His body just got big enough where he needed sleep more than food and that was it. Wally also falls asleep so much easier than Alice. He actually falls asleep in the bouncers and swings faster than if I try to rock him, almost like it's too much stimulation. He of course falls asleep easily in car seats, strollers, and in baby carriers. Sometimes I've laid him in the crib or on the floor on a play mat and I hear babbles and then silence and he's out.

He babbles. It's my favorite favorite thing. I stare at him and just talk and talk to him and he loves it. He seems to think he's telling me some super important information. We do a lot of chatting at night when sister is asleep around 9pm before he starts getting super fussy and needs to sleep. Changing his diapers are great times to chat with him. He makes eye contact and just smiles and coos and your heart just soars and melts. He is holy crap, SO stinking cute. I can't get enough of the little baby hands and toes and rolls and his round head and the way his ears stick out and his happy smiles and just... everything. He's a total adorable angel. I freaking love him.

We recently took steps to ensure that Wally would be our last baby. (Thanks Matt! You're a trooper!) It's bittersweet knowing this is our last baby and it's going by so quickly and I can't do anything to slow it down! I even remember in the midst of the annoying round the clock wake ups having moments of this will be the last time I have to do this try to enjoy it. Even on days when the two of them are demanding my attention and I can sneak away and nurse him quietly and do nothing but that it helps my well being so much. I get taken out of whatever I'm doing and I just sit and hold my baby and feed him and stare at him. Who wouldn't want to just stare at that beautiful boy?

us!

Lately, a lot of things have revolved around Alice. Alice activities. Alice tantrums. Alice Alice Alice. I feel bad that Wally doesn't get as much attention as he should and especially whenever I'm holding him or looking at him, Alice will want me to pay attention to her or want me to put him down. She does think he's cute and she likes going "Hi baby sister!" "Brother!" we keep correcting her. And he has started smiling at her. Poor kid, ignorance is bliss. 

We're still figuring out the balance of one on one time with either of them and quality time in general. I find myself calculating priorities in minutes or seconds. Hmm, they're both asleep, should I nap myself, blog, put things away, take a shower... what can I do that I need both hands for? I could use a third hand when nursing, seriously. The extra one could feed me while I feed the baby.

Time is going by quickly and my maternity leave ends on June 1 after which I'll be going back to work when weekends will be my only time to have such luxurious thoughts about improving quality time with my children. It makes me sad to think about all that I will miss while at work. But a momboss has gotta do what a momboss has gotta do.

virginia lee plank 1929-2017

Last month Matt's grandma was hospitalized with pneumonia (amongst other things). When she was discharged we went to visit her so she could meet Wally. We saw her on Easter and she seemed like she was doing good, we had normal conversations, she seemed fine. But unfortunately four days later, her heart gave out and she passed away at home.

It's hit the whole family and particularly Matt pretty hard. She was 87 years old but you still just assume people will be with you for awhile. She was the grandparent Matt saw the most, for all holidays, and even lived with her for awhile after college. Just on Easter she remembered that he likes apple juice and brought some for him. I've only known her for 9, almost 10 years but she was a big part of my life and an important member of our family and we will miss her very much.

Matt's mom Jill asked me to help make a program for the service and I was happy to be able to contribute something. Here is the link to it on dropbox. Check out her bio, she lived a good life.

the golden girls office/guest room

As you know The Golden Girls is well... not just one of my all time favorite shows but... a way of life. Sarcasm. Cheekiness. Plants. Pink. Gold. Miami. Geriatric friendship. My current office/guest room has tributes to the show all over the room but I had been thinking about a Golden Girls room that was more on the sophisticated side. Obviously that meant some of the very things that are my way of life: pastel pink, plants, rattan, gold, rose gold, bamboo. Here's what I whipped up:

I am way too lazy to tag the things in the photo but I have a pinterest board that has as much of the things I found for this board plus some stuff that didn't make it onto the board that you can use to put together your own Golden Girls themed room.

Thank you for being a friend.

nonstop

This kid is nonstop needs attention. The other one is just nonstop energy.

All I want is a few minutes of daytime where a child is not being fed by me or hearing mama mama over and over and over. 

organizing the diaper bag for two kids

My diaper bag search had to expand with the birth of Wally. Forever we used the diaper dude diaper bag that Matt used but I wanted a backpack so I could be hands free with the kids. I bought the OhJoy one and liked it for awhile but the zippers gave out thanks to us overstuffing it and so I figured it was time for an upgrade and got this one which I love, so far because it has so many pockets.

For everyday trips we use Matt's bag but if we leave the house for hours/the day we take my bag which is more prepared for anything. The back pocket closest to the straps has the diapers and changes of clothes. With two kids and the California weather I like to have one short and one long sleeved shirt and leggings for each kid. I keep a sweater for Alice, and PJs for both. If you think the color coordination is an accident: it's not. I made sure the kids tops and bottoms had a color family just for my sanity. I can't match the kids but I like to dress them in similar colors. I also keep a muslin blanket that I stuff way at the bottom of the bag that I can use as a spit rag, a blanket, and a cover.

This little pouch has the accessories like a bib, socks, bows for Alice, and hats for Wally.

The bags, both from SkipHop are great double duty things. The chevron thing is the diaper pad thing. The item on the right is a wet bag with a very special double feature.

So the diaper pad holds diapers, it folds out into a changing pad, and has wipes. So if you gotta change a kid, you just grab this thing and it has all you need, so long as you make sure it's stocked which Matt is great at and I am so-so at. Here it is unfolded and they really thought it through, there's a little bit of padding where the little babes head goes.

The mesh part is where I keep the wipes.

The zippered part is where we stash the diapers.

The wet/dry bag (which I don't see the pattern we bought) also has two functions. The front is a clear mesh thing that I put Alice's clothes in.

The back zipper has a protective lining so you can put soiled clothing in it while you're out and about.

Once I put all those things in the bag this is what the back pocket looks like. The bottom right pocket has Wally's clothes and the left has more diapers.

And this is what it looks like when I shove the diaper changing pad in there.

The top pocket keeps those little saviors we know as pacifiers.

The front pocket, top row (and here the photography got lazy): left to right: I put a toothbrush for Alice, spoon, pen, pencil, notebook, and a reusable bag.

The bottom row has ready to use formula bottles just in case and a bottle that Wally uses easier than those ready to use bottles and once we run out of those ready to use ones we'll have some backup formula in powder form with a dispenser thing in here. The other side holds her snacks, our snacks, and a fetching plastic bib for her to catch her pizza sauce mess.

The cool thing is the three bottom pockets have insulated lining so it'll keep drinks cold or warm should you need that to happen.

Left is a burpy bib that is both burp cloth and can be wrapped around your kid's neck and secured with a clasp to make a bib. Clever right? The right is a nursing cover that can be used for a few things of which I didn't realize one of them until I just now clicked on the pictures on amazon. I shove these two items into the top of this pocket.

The very front pocket I keep the little essentials.

This stuff. I realize I am obsessed with having bandages on me at all times. It's a disease.

The front also has this pocket as well and I keep empty or put my wallet in when I'm out with the kids by myself and don't wanna have a separate purse.

Side pockets hold her and my water bottles/sippy cups.

The back is super padded and comfy.

And has a bonus secret zipper. Feel like I should keep either cash or a knife in here.

And I wouldn't have bought it without this: stroller straps.

Is it heavy with all this junk in it? Oh yeah. But... kinda necessary when we're out all day.