Monday, January 30, 2017

some good things

Oof, it's been one insane week. Not only did we have to endure a week of the wackiest presidency we've ever seen and then the wackiest policies swiftly being imposed by a wacky man but I had four shoot days in a row! Four days of waking up really early and working for 12-14 hours is rough enough but doing that while 7 months pregnant is pretty dang tiring. I keep feeling like I'm mad at myself for being so tired but I keep forgetting that my body is not in a normal state and carrying this heavy load from the front and a heavy load inside my heart is just not helping anybody. Matt's stressed for me and wants me to just quit this insane addiction and stop worrying about our country and just focus on our family, the baby in my body, and the little girl we love. And he's so right. 
I have a plan to disconnect myself from facebook and twitter once the baby is born because stress is really bad for making milk and I will not have anyone deprive my baby of food. When that happens, I'm gonna count on all of you to make sure Yosemite is still around when I get back so I can take my children there. If they don't get to see God's handiwork in person, I'm gonna be pretty pissed.

BUT, as with this pregnancy itself: things are still good and better than they seem. For one, our country is speaking out against actions they think are unconstitutional and our faith leaders and even multi-billion dollar companies are showing examples of generosity and well, that's good! And do you know how many conversations I've had about topics like: sexual assault, sexism, and abortion over the past few weeks? In person, on set, not on social media. One of my closest friends in the industry is a straight up atheist and that doesn't hinder our friendship and we were able to have some deep conversations about faith and God and Jesus. On the night of the election my gay Asian friend called me for comfort and encouragement. And do you know why I was able to have that conversation with him? Because I was there. Because I didn't remove myself from the culture or from the people. We won't change hearts by yelling at them from afar and calling them names. We will change hearts the way Jesus did (as well as his large sermons): in person, one on one. In a way, although my faith has never been more challenged as I watched people I admire support a man like the one that's currently sitting alone, wife-less, friend-less, pet-less (not even a pet, geez!) in the White House; my faith is actually still strong and still there. For I put my trust in Jesus and no man, no political party. Gunning for political power is foolishness. But I'll tell you what, thinking of that isolated man, a man that represents a lot of things I loathe, I actually this morning prayed for him. Prayed that some person will reach him and talk him down and if he is beyond reach, that he be removed peacefully and legally. So even though rhetoric such as his has sowed so much discord, it has challenged us to challenge the things we see are not right. It has made allies of people you never thought could be allies. And I am all about crazy alliances/allegiances/friendships. 

Last week during my four day shoot I cannot tell you the amount of love my unborn baby and I were shown on set. Women fawned on me. Everyone kept checking on me. Everyone made sure I was safe. Everyone encouraged me and told me how baller I was for working in this capacity while so very pregnant. It made me think about abortion and the pro-life/pro-choice debacle in a new way. That's gonna be a hefty conversation of an essay I'm working on but I'll just leave this here: motherhood and women's desire for motherhood is changing the way they think about abortion. Whereas 10 years ago a 30-40 year old woman with a burgeoning career may have considered aborting a baby now, in the celebrity culture and straight up obsession with babies, that woman might keep that baby. And I'm happy to be a living example of a momma continuing to live her life while also having a baby. The time is ripe for conversations. Women supporting women. Men supporting women. It's time.

As has long been my release during my troubled childhood and teenage and young adult years, writing has been a saving grace. I don't wish to be as arrogant as Alexander Hamilton but I did write my way out. It was writing that helped me pass AP tests, it was writing in journals that kept me sane while my family and life around me deteriorated. It's writing that keeps me sane now.

I hope you will follow along. 

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