Monday, December 5, 2016

she got a haircut (and i'm still pregnant-miserable)

On Saturday we took Alice to a kid friendly salon to get a real haircut. We've been doing the trimmings when her bangs get willy but I had had it with DIY, I wanted a pro. Matt thought she would scream bloody murder and not let them touch her but she got to sit in a little plane and they had cartoons playing so she was still but skeptical. The stylist was SO fast. I think she finished in like 3 minutes, she was not messing around. 
Finally, her hair has definition. So much better.
The salon had a little play area and she could have been there for hours especially because like a moth to flame somehow she found a little rubber Buzz Lightyear. You guys think I'm just ha ha, that's cute about the Buzz Lightyear thing but no, seriously. When we distracted her enough to put him back in the drawer so we could leave as we're walking out she's yelling "BUFF! BUFF!" We've bought him and Woody for Christmas so we'll see if she has any reaction at all.
And now back to me. This pregnancy: sucks. And know what else sucks, the fact that I know it sucks and I haven't been enjoying the fact that this is the last time I'll be pregnant. I've rarely taken photos of the belly, I don't really have that magical response when people ask how I am: UGH + disgusted face is what I do. I know I'm so lucky that I get to be pregnant, I know I am, I know. But if you were throwing up on the regular, fighting to avoid throwing up, being constipated beyond belief to the point of hemorrhoids, making yourself bleed your own blood because you're testing your blood sugar, getting awful leg cramps in the morning, rarely enjoying food, getting UTIs all the time, and did I mention throwing up, then you might not be the happiest person ever either. On Saturday I woke up at 2am and threw up so badly that I thought I was gonna pass out. You know that feeling when your whole body is shaky and you feel like you're gonna die? That was Saturday, at 25 weeks pregnant. So excuuuuse me if I am not all puppies and rainbows about the state of pregnancy right now. And on top of that, I have to provide for my family! 

This baby better be the freaking easiest baby in the history of babies! 

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

hey look, it's christmastime

Well it's been almost a month since it became clear I wasn't getting what I wanted for Christmas: not a crazy person as president, maybe even an experienced lady president dare I dream. Le sigh.

Anyhow... we put up Christmas decorations and Matt approved it by saying the most I can expect out of ole Scrooge "Hmmm... for so many boxes of decorations, I'm surprised by how it doesn't seem like we're over doing it." That's a compliment! We put the tree up in the corner of the living room and as expected Alice takes down ornaments within her reaching area every. day. We just kinda leave them down and then whenever company is coming I put them up again. 
She likes seeing "da dights!" and pointing out to me which ones are not working. Yeah Alice, rub it in that we're poor and can't buy a replacement tree. Look at all those broken lights at the top. Ugh.
I tried to get an ornament that represented the fact that Alice was getting a little brother but Target was slim pickings. I went for that little plush penguin, he's got a baby blue yarn to hold him up, that works right? I'll keep looking though, not super sold yet. Then next year when he's born we'll get a 2017 frame a put a pic of him in it. As per how every time we add a member to the family we do that, like when we got the dogs and then Alice.
Hoping to work as much as I can until the year is over but I'll check in with Christmas decorations and Alice cuteness. She's chatting up a storm and is beyond adorable lately.

Monday, November 14, 2016

a little better

Trying to think of normal things. Trying to think of the holidays. Trying to focus on work. 

We made a conscious effort to disconnect from everything but each other starting Friday and that helped tremendously. I actually cracked a few jokes. 


Trying trying.

Friday, November 11, 2016

a dark pit of despair

I've never felt this way before. I've never felt so hopeless and in such a dark place.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

today, i'm just sad

Sometimes we just need to have a day to grieve. Today's my day. Tomorrow is tomorrow but today I'm grieving. Today I'm mad, today I'm sad.

My mother and father came to this country from Mexico. She is from a border town called Mexicali, where a lot of her family still lives and we try to visit once a year. My mother came on a student visa and then eventually got her permanent resident card under amnesty declared by Ronald Regan. In fact, her pregnancy with me helped her establish her residence here. She's still a permanent resident.

My father came here illegally, under a semi-truck and crossed at the Mexicali border. He became a resident also under the amnesty declared by Regan and up until the recession was a union welder at a company repairing trains that transport goods across this country. He loves this country and a few years ago he became a citizen and registered as a Republican.

I've grown up knowing both languages and always feeling like an American but still culturally Mexican with my mom speaking Spanish to us at home and attending a Spanish church. I was very American at school, deeply patriotic, and luckily, a smarty pants. Those smarty pants helped me find my way to AP classes where my history teacher preached and preached that education was the absolute key to a good life. So I applied for college. My mother had no idea how to help me and her culture couldn't comprehend my desire to attend and live on campus. She was a major bitch to me my last few months at home and I didn't understand why. I later learned that she has a hard time processing hurt and it manifests as anger. Unfortunately a quality I very much possess but working on. She didn't even want to help me move in on the day I was to move to school. She came to her senses at the last minute and never quite told me she was proud of me to my face but from what others tell me, she was proud.

My father on the other hand, could only just tell me he was proud and do whatever he could to take me to visit campuses and even scrape together for the registration deposit for Biola University, a private Christian school in a majorly white suburban neighborhood. My dad would come visit me weekly and bring me some cash while at school, he ended every phone call with "I'm proud of you."

I didn't get to Biola on my own. Odds were stacked against me. My mother was raising 5 kids by herself so money was tight and obviously we had no savings account to pay for day to day life much less pay for college. We were on food stamps and welfare and my mom worked full time. Somehow that didn't even register, I heard of these things called "scholarships" in my high school of predominantly poor Latinos, packed to the GILLS in the Los Angeles Unified School District. Yes, that LAUSD. I was on the meal plan program like so many were. I was surrounded by Latinos whose parents were all working class and felt the way I felt. Luckily, the Lord kept me safe and I spent my time with good kids who all were smarty and wanted to go to college. And a bunch of us did.

I applied for Federal Student Aid and I got it. I applied for the Cal Grant and I got it. I applied for a scholarship from my school that encouraged diversity and I got it. And to cover the rest, I applied for a student loan. And there I was, little Mexican girl at a mostly white school. My best friends were white. I dated white dudes. I felt the culture clash but embraced the feeling that I finally belonged amongst my fellow Christians and my fellow film students. Bunch of guerilla film makers and still like family to me. We talked about the quadruple screwed-ness that I was walking into upon graduation: a Christian, Latina, Female, in an industry dominated by liberal DUDES. I wrestled with all four of those factors of who I am during school and after school. I found solace in my individuality, feeling it gave me an advantage not a disadvantage. Not a hindrance, but a benefit.

And they embraced the Latina girl part. The Christian part was much more of a challenge. I found like-minded God believing filmmakers and had great chats with my non-believers. I still do. I do have to sit in rooms where they bash Republicans and Evangelicals with no regard for who's listening, assuming everyone thinks the same. I would have to remind them often who I was. Sometimes with words, often as simply as the testimony of my marriage and my character.

Being a woman in the industry and experiencing sexism is much more subtle. I've risen to a top position in my field and am thankful I never had to fight for wage equality, we all get paid the same. But some stuff does come up that is more internal than anything. Like making sure that I can negotiate and play hardball to manage our sometimes million dollar budgets and that means telling men decades my senior No and making compromises always making sure I am "nice" because otherwise we fall into being labeled "a bitch".

Being a bitch is easy, I'm a hard ass Latina but being kind and fair is just as easy. Because I'm a Christian and because since I was a kid fairness and equality has been something that has been ingrained into me since hearing about injustices in the world and those done to our environment. Been an environmental kid since little, tried to recycle, volunteered at an aquarium in high school. Anytime my mom faced gender crap within her church I was outraged. Anytime anyone was treated unfairly I hated it. Always have, always will. I never felt inclined toward any party and have been an independent voter from the get. Couldn't fit into either party what with my weird me-ness. All the parts of me that I described above. Then I got married to a white guy and had a daughter, so now I was a wife and a mother on top of all the rest. Oy vey.

And then one magical election year all of those things that make up me were attacked/ridiculed/ marginalized. My Mexican people were called awful things. Immigrants were to be feared. And being a woman became such a heavy discussion as the first female major party candidate became a reality. Out of the mouth of the member of one party they came and people seemed outraged but as we learned on Tuesday night, they didn't care. It wasn't enough to not vote for that person. My country's election of that man told me in not as many words that it didn't care about me. In their hearts they didn't care enough, they were not outraged enough, they told me that these words don't matter no matter how awful they are. But let me tell you how very much they mattered to me. And how very much they hurt me the first time and they killed me when the rest of the country agreed.

The president-elect admitted to sexually assaulting women. And that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks and made me cry the darkest tears. And in case you never knew anyone that has been a victim, let me tell you my story.

The reason my mother was a single mother was because my step-father sexually abused me and my sisters for years. He was taken into custody in 1994 after someone from school was told about it happening by one of my sisters and the child protective services stepped in and took us from our mother. We were in their custody for a month before we went back to live with our mother.

And here is the kicker: my mother knew. I had told her years before my step-father was taken into custody what he had done. He had told me never to tell anyone but I knew it was wrong. I was about 7 or 8. All she did was confront him and I don't remember if he ever did it to me again. But she stayed with him. SHE STAYED WITH SOMEONE SHE KNEW ABUSED HER OWN DAUGHTER. Let me say that again. She knew what he had done and SHE STAYED. He was more important to her than I was. And it's only through years of thinking and wrestling with it that I am certain she was a victim of abuse as well, that fear that they live in thinking they deserve it and they can't escape and you'll never make it on your own. Single woman you can't do it.You can't, you need a man. She fell for that lie and her children paid the price. I've had to live with that betrayal for most of my life. That I was not valued enough by my own mother. A mother, who's only job is at the very minimum to protect her children from anyone who wants to hurt them. She did not do her job. She failed. She prioritized a man over her daughters. A man was more valuable that we who were once in her own body, we who were held by her when we were tiny.

It's a betrayal I must admit is always at the back of my mind with every fight I have with my mother. Of course you don't care about me. I've never been a priority to you, mom.

And that is the very feeling I felt last night. As though millions of voices had cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. And silenced by those that were supposed to protect us. Our fathers, our brothers, our sisters, our mothers, ourselves. That is the betrayal I feel at the hands of my country. Women came out in spades telling their sexual assault/abuse stories and I came out to facebook as a survivor myself. If one good thing came of it, it was the conversation of how women are treated by men so often and how often men get away with it. Oh boy do they get away with it.

But nobody looked me in the eye and told me that I didn't matter and that what I went through didn't matter. They didn't have the guts. They did it behind my back in a voting booth.

And that is why I grieve today. That is why I took it very personally. As a child I was violated against my own will and then when I spoke up, I was silenced and things moved along as though nothing had happened. As an adult, the very same thing happened again at the hands of my country.

Friday, November 4, 2016

and of course now i'm on anti-biotics

First of all I have to keep reminding myself that I incubate and make big healthy beautiful babies. That's the plus side. Remember how this hefty baby had to be sliced out of me?
BUT it is kicking my butt. Still trying to get over a cold, I worked on Tuesday and got home a little late and didn't eat on time and felt just awful. Headache. Stuffy. On Wednesday morning I woke up feeling like I had to pee again and again, sure sign of a UTI, and was dizzy and still stuffy nosed so I called my boss and I said "I can't come in today." Sometimes you just gotta listen to your body. And I was out for the day. In and out of sleep, Matt watched Alice and I just tried to keep food in my system and sleep. And I felt bad that I wasn't doing much but all I needed was to just sleep.

The next day still feeling crummy I decided you know what, I should go see my doctor. They push you to the front of the line if you're pregnant. And yup, positive for a mild UTI but guess what he said, "Good thing you came in, UTI's are things that during pregnancy is one of the most preventable causes of pre-term labor." And that it was probably a good idea "to take the rest of the week off." If you think missing a few days of work is bad, try being on bed rest, yeah, that's way longer. So now I'm on anti-biotics because all I needed from this pregnancy was yet more crappy-ness right?

But boy am I glad I went with my instinct and my doctor confirmed it. Always listen to your instincts especially if you're pregnant. Don't mess around with that.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

so... where we gonna put this second kid?

I've mentioned before that regardless of gender the sequel would be sharing a room with Alice because well, we have no choice really. There's three bedrooms and I want to keep the home office/playroom/guest room so sharing it is. Whew, luckily the room's already blue right? 
The baby will sleep in our room for the first few months in a bassinet but once he's sleeping all night we might put him either in the office (we might need a new baby monitor with two cameras) or have him and Alice start sharing. I just do NOT want to mess with our wonderful sleeper's habits. Her sleep is sacred to me and I'd rather suffer than wake my girl up with a crying baby brother.
As far as the decor itself... that'll have to change a bit since it's VERY Alice-centric right now. I already have a few black and white crib sheets so I'll just get a black and white changing pad cover and then add some elements to represent the baby boy we'll be going with a space theme. I honestly don't even want to focus too much on the sharing and preparing until January. 
When my sister Mari had her son Eli's room ready before he was born, Gaudy and I mentioned that we rarely ever spend time in the kid's room. All they do there is sleep and be changed. That'll change when they're older I'm sure but since most of the playing happens in the living room and playroom all I gotta do for the room will be make room for another crib or bed and make room for their clothes. That's how I feel bedrooms should be: a place for sleeping, reading, and getting dressed. That's why we don't put TVs in our rooms, I want them to be places of happy rest.

Monday, October 24, 2016

collect the whole set

On Thursday morning Matt, his mom and dad, and myself got the happiest surprise of our life when at our ultrasound we learned that our second and last baby would be a:
You know those lucky jerks that get one of each and you think man, those lucky jerks, they got one of each? I get to be one of those jerks! The moment the tech said the word "penis" I could not believe it and started crying right away. Everyone wanted us to get the pair and I dared not dream we'd get the desires of our heart. Some people get no babies. We get two (so far) healthy babies. Blessed beyond.
However, there is something to be said for getting what you want, disappointment, gender expectations, and loss. 

Both of us wanted a boy with Alice. And then we got Alice. And Alice.... well... she crushed it. I brag about her a lot with the caveat that we are NOT WORTHY. So cute! So sweet! So smart! So easy! We could have zero other children and be 100% content that all we had was an Alice. 
 So, pft, what do we know about what we want right? Sometimes the thing you never knew you wanted was just what you needed and you can't imagine life any other way.

This time, I felt like I dared not dream, other people are lucky and get one of each. I will never be those people. So I prepared myself for the wonderful all girl family alternative. I started thinking of them as Sasha and Malia, Venus & Serena, Beyonce & Solange. Why I could only think of black sisters, I dunno. I hyped it up to my family: "We're gonna be an all girl family". I set up Matt for the Fredrich family name stopping at us and to hope one of his cousins have a boy. I started dreaming about this girl. Gave her a name. Alice was so great, why wouldn't we want another girl? Why wouldn't be so freaking lucky to have another girl? 

And after the excited moment of holy crap it's a boy and telling family the news and having everyone feel that same "you lucky bastards" feeling Matt and I sat down and we talked about our new reality.

The one thing that we were both surprised we felt was that feeling of finite-ness. This is it. Last time we'll see an ultrasound and see our baby's heart and spine. No more baby after this. And while I've been teasing my sister that she's crazy because she has both boy and girl and still wants a third now... I get it. I see why people have third babies. Not enough for us to be like yeah let's have a third but after swearing up and down, THIS IS IT we did have a second of more.

The gender stereotype stuff was what surprised us a little as well. A few asked "Is Matt so excited he's getting a boy?" But Matt said that while it's nice, it doesn't quite feel like he can only do some things with his son. We've not raised Alice very "girl" like. She has girl qualities like she doesn't like to get dirty and she is generally not as high energy but we don't really buy girly toys for her or put her in super girly clothing. Maybe those differences will be highlighted later but we plan on treating the kids the same. In that we'll introduce them to sports, school, art, jiu-jitsu, movies, and then they can chose what they're into. But we'll get to do dad/daughter, mother/son, dad/son, mom/daughter dates and talk to them about being gentleman and lady and such. It'll be interesting to see how they're similar and how they're different based on their genders and their personalities.

And then I had this strange feeling of loss. Is it normal that I'm feeling the loss of this other daughter that I never had? I had all these little thoughts about her and her name and now I'm not gonna get her. She's gone and she never existed. I cried a little about it. I guess I did too good a job preparing myself for another girl. 

I always imagined having a son and now... just can't believe it. 

Monday, October 17, 2016

crappy pregnancy and excellent first kid update

Man, I'm wiped. We've had a rash of work and activities and I feel like I haven't really recovered from any of it. On Saturday at a birthday thing for Matt's grandma I alternated between being awake and socializing and napping. I think the pregnancy exacerbates the tiredness.

Speaking of the sequel, yes, I am still nauseated all day. 19 weeks pregnant and still freaking nauseated. It is getting better in that I'm slowly weaning myself off the anti-nausea medication and making sure I keep food in my system at all times. Everything doesn't disgust me anymore! I still gag at certain smells (like poopy diapers and opening the fridge in general) and I did nasty hurl on Saturday morning but overall I can tell there's improvement. So much so that I can hardly remember in the beginning how all food except cup of noodles made me sick and puking two to three times a day. Thing of the past! That I will never repeat after this kid. New trick that keeps the nausea at bay in between meals is: peppermint gum. It's a miracle I tell you.

Know what's weird about being pregnant a second time? How accustomed you are to seeing yourself pregnant. I do feel like I showed really early again and now I'm full blown pregnant and unlike last time where I just couldn't believe I was that pregnant girl in the mirror, this time I ain't got time for staring in a mirror. I just appreciate and am thankful for the sight just the same.
The sequel has begun moving. Still too small to be felt from the outside but enough for me to smile when it happens. Sometimes I talk to it and it moves which warms me up. And it will have a better pronoun soon: he or she since Thursday is the big anatomy scan when we get to see all the little pieces that make a baby including genitalia. Place your bets now. I'm guessing girl.

Speaking of girls, oh Alice. She is peak adorable right now. She has the cutest little baby voice and she is chatting up a storm. I mean, she knows what she's saying. She also has perfected what I call intelligent lazy sentence structure. First word: mama, last word: item I want, middle words: gibberish verb filler for you to decipher. "Mama si si sees Buff" means Mama, I want to see Buff. "Mama si sees Food" means Mama, I want food. And so on.
She's also a certified genius according to her mama digest because she can identify the letters A-F. And a lot of the alphabet except the hard ones like Q and W. Like, out of order and everything. Wherever she sees a letter she excitedly "Mama mama, this sis F!" I don't care if 2 year olds all over the world can do this, hush now, mine is a special snowflake.
She is still very attached to that monkey plush who she's begun referring to as "Bobby" and loves the films "Despicable Me" and the "Toy Story" trilogy. She loses her mind when Buzz appears. If she's still into him by Christmas time, we'll be getting her a better Buzz doll and a Woody or as she calls him "Howie." And she still loves Mickey Mouse and Doc McStuffins.
Rest is still usual, naps 2 hours a day again which was a battle to get her back on after we took away the paci but whew, glad we didn't give up and still sleeps all night and wakes up around 8. Still a super picky eater. Still super easy with all baby-sitters. A friggin' delight and we are not worthy.

Oh and Matt had a great birthday festivity I'll have to write about in depth 'cause it was so great. He's been taking jiu-jitsu and just walked in to tell me he earned his first stripe. We're very proud of him for learning to defend himself and in turn, our family.

Aside from pregnant me, doing a job that's with a producer I hope to work with some more and hopefully work will pick up a little more before the holidays so we can buy presents and such. I'm looking forward to the holidays but it's nice having this lull in between too.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016


Last Thursday Matt and I celebrated being married and still liking each other for nine whole years. On the day before we went to Disneyland since it was our last day as annual passholders so we spent the night at our in-laws and we had a picnic at the park where we got married. With both our kids. Kinda. Sorta.
After that we spent three nights in Big Bear just the two of us while Alice had the time of her life with her grandparents. We slept in late, we napped, we stayed up late, we went out to dinner, we went bowling, we went hiking, we stared at a fireplace, we saw a killer Metalachi concert, we just enjoyed being together. I highly recommend it.

Happy 9th Anniversary Honey Pie. To many more getaways to come (after we survive having two kids).

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

confessions of a crappy pregnancy

I wake up in the morning and feel slightly okay sometimes. I optimistically hope that maybe today will be a better day, maybe I've rounded a corner. I eat a bagel and a few hours later I'm nauseated again. Nope, just another day.

I need more protein but I have a hard time eating bean burritos. I can't make the fake meats because that means I have to cook them and that means opening the fridge.

The fridge is my enemy. So is the supermarket. And sometimes Disneyland. And anywhere smells permeate. I never noticed them before but now, boy do I. I can smell everything with a hyper sensitivity akin to superpower.

I get jealous of people just walking into Denny's. I watch them and think "Lucky them, they can just walk into a restaurant and know that they'll be able to order something and enjoy it." I haven't set foot in a restaurant in weeks. Food is always to go. I order two things because I will take a bite of one thing then decide nope, I don't like this.

One of my favorite things to eat used to be french fries, can't stand them right now.

Nothing tastes particularly good lately. I don't really want anything, I just decide based on what sounds the least repulsive and less likely to make me throw up.

I have to scroll through instagram very quickly in case of food pictures.

I also skip through parts of Alice's storybooks that have food.

I don't want to eat anything. I am never really hungry, I have to MAKE myself eat pretty much every two hours because otherwise I end up in the toilet.

I've missed so much church because when Matt serves it's just me and Alice and getting both of us dressed and fed and somewhere by 9:30am just doesn't happen.

Sometimes when I'm home with Alice by myself I let her watch way too much TV and play with the iPad for way too long because all I want to do is lay on the couch. She waffles between jumping all over me and squishing me in the tummy area to bringing me her stuffed monkey and tucking me in with a blanket.

I don't ever really want to go anywhere because that I just don't know how I'm going to be feeling. I make sure I've been fed and have mints, ginger candy, and gum before I leave in case I have to just try to stifle the nausea until I'm back in the comfort of my home.

A few weeks ago before I went on anti-nausea medication I felt so isolated and sad that I just cried a lot. I'd sit on the floor of the bathroom and just cry.

I tried to take Alice to the park one day and it was so hot that I barely made it there, she played for a few minutes and I took us back home and laid on the couch, exhausted.

Is this gonna get better? Why does my body act this way with pregnancy?

I am so glad I'm never gonna be pregnant again after this baby. I do not ever want to feel this awful again.

I feel so disconnected from this baby. I resent it sometimes for making me feel so awful. I don't look forward to meeting it as much as I look forward to just not being pregnant anymore. I hate feeling this way. I hate not being excited and looking forward to this new life when all I feel is bad.

Time is crawling by right now. Every day feels like a week.

Monday, September 19, 2016

the guest bath right now

It's a black and white mish-mash in this tiny room but we dig it.
We got a new curtain for it, went with stripes predictably. 
I bought this basket from Magnolia, Chip & Joanna's store. 
I can honestly tell you I looked at a trillion baskets for over the toilet and this one was it.
I used some gift wrap to wallpaper the back of this here cubby.
Alice's cup with her toothpaste and toothbrush. "Baff" "Teef", she has trouble with 'th'. 
Her bath stuff. Sometimes I like bath time and sometimes it's such a splashy chore.
Sometimes I forget her initials are AF.
See? Too much mish-mash. Different rug maybe now that the shower curtain is in.
The ole hipster Portland bathroom. I hope to paint it before the sequel arrives.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

making room for baby

Well despite our denial and my crappy pregnancy, a baby is coming in early March. Regardless of gender, eventually this sequel will be sharing a room with Alice. Alice still sleeps in her crib and we're planning on keeping her in there until she starts climbing out of it so this baby will have to sleep somewhere else which we were planning on and we did when Alice was a baby. 

Alice did not like sleeping in pack 'n play (which had a bassinet insert) by itself. It was either uncomfortable or too large for her but as soon as she would be put in it, she was up. It was tricky working out what worked for her and we ended up with this nighttime solution which is that we'd put her in one of those bouncy chairs and then put that on top of the pack 'n play. 
During the day she'd sleep anywhere but at night we'd try to keep her in our room so we could sleep and she could sleep and at night our room became a 2nd nursery. We had a changing pad we'd use for middle of the night changes and had spare swaddles and clothes and diapers. It was all higgledy-piggledy but it worked for us during those early days when feeding was round the clock and she didn't sleep all night yet. 
Well Graco makes a way better version of what we had done with a little chair that's made just for that and has a built in changing table AND a little side diaper holder thing! This is what we should have had the first time if I'd known what I know now. Since Alice will be using her room at night and we don't want to interrupt her precious night time sleep, the baby will be living in our room until it's sleeping all night and eventually put them together. Bunk beds or something else.
Meanwhile, in Alice's room, the room where we she sleeps, naps, and is changed since she plays in the living room and the office, I made some room for future baby items. I assume PJs and onesies and socks and hats will make their home in the empty areas. 
And unless Alice shows signs of serious potty training, we'll be a family of two diaper sizes (UGH) and tiny newborn diapers should fit here.
I also put out the last of her 2T clothes in the closet so now there's a bin underneath so we can put tiny baby clothes until we put them in drawers.
Baby toys are still hanging out here even after she outgrew them since baby's keep visiting our house. Bin 1 has those things and honestly, one bin of baby toys is PLENTY.
In the closet I have this pop-up hamper with baby gear in it that my sister returned. More of it is coming, some bouncy chairs, etc. Seeing the little seahorse... sniffle. Alice loved it.
I think I wanna get things gathered at least and then really go into baby prep mode like a month before. Unlike last time where it was so much time to think now we want to spend our time watching Alice cheese it up before she's dethroned as the center of our universe.
I can't believe I'm gonna have KIDS. TWO of them.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Alice Language

This is "Buff".
 This is "Dot"
This is "Mee Mee"

She is WILD about Buzz. She's been reading this Toy Story 2 storybook to herself and all I can make out every other word is "Buff" "Buff".

Friday, September 2, 2016

bonus/multi-purpose rooms

I always love seeing what people do with their bonus rooms. I live in a real estate desert of tiny houses with absolutely no extra space whatsoever. I mean, oh yeah, technically we have a converted garage that's a guest house but we rent it out so we don't have any extra space. Anyway, I love seeing the blogs of homes in places where there aren't earthquakes where they have extra rooms like basements or attics that can be converted into awesome bonus rooms. 

This one has got it going on in terms of looks. I love the different zones for tv watching, crafting/dining/homework and play. It's inspiring my living room big time.
This one's a little more kiddie like, not as sophisticated as the other room but still has spaces for tv watching and for the kids to play. I guess I'd call it more of a play room.
But this one, holy crap. It's a basement apartment!

Thursday, August 25, 2016

she actually makes a sucky day better

Well after my last post I'm gonna go ahead and downgrade this pregnancy from better than last time to definitely worse than last time. With Alice I was mostly sick in the morning and then mostly fine as long as I kept food in my stomach. This time, I'm sick all day and I can't eat certain foods or else they make me throw up and I don't like anything so yeah, it's a big pile of sucky. SO MUCH THROWING UP. I've not been working the past three weeks and you know what, I think God knew this pregnancy was gonna reach the tip of the crap-berg because I have needed the time off to be home and near a toilet the past few weeks. Which brings me to why that's a little trickier: Alice. 

On Tuesday and Wednesday Matt worked and while I desperately wanted to get us two out of the house and out on adventures, I just... couldn't. I skipped church on Sunday and I've not been in the mood to socialize, I just spend a lot of time at home with my little pal. I can't particularly be productive because I get projects going and if anyone knows what it's like having a little kid around you will be interrupted a bunch of times for snacks, water, and simply because they want you around ALL THE TIME. I'm literally throwing my guts out into the kitchen sink and she's yelling Mama! Mama! from the table because she wants more blueberries. 
And of course I'm not mad at her. I'm not even mildly annoyed by her. She is such a good kid and such a freaking sweetheart and I just feel bad that I keep her cooped up but even the simplest act of walking to the grocery store and then the park with her led me to me throwing up in the Sprouts and barely making it and peeing my shorts! It's just easier right now to just stay home until this passes. Which should hopefully be soon. Right?
She discovered letters and is obsessed with them. I taught her to spell F-O-X just because of a scene in You've Got Mail that makes me laugh but she loves that game and starts prompting me "Mama, Mama...F! F!" Oh she finally started repeating things. Hippo. Apple. Turtle. Turtle is a really funny one, she will keep saying it until you acknowledge her and repeat it. She can identify the letter F, pretty proud of that one. It's her initial!
Wednesday I was able to get us out of the house to go to the zoo for a few hours and she had fun and it's honestly good for me to be out and about because at least it gets my mind off the all day nausea and walking helps too. I'm desperate to go to Disneyland. Hoping I can get it together next week. But Thursday, oh Thursday. I was sick all day and feeling worthless. No job, can't cook right now, can't take out the trash, clogging the toilet AND sink with throw up, start cleaning projects and then don't finish them because I get interrupted or decide sleep is more important (and it freaking IS)... just feeling bummed out. And she wouldn't nap. She stayed in her crib and refused to sleep, just hung out in there playing with her monkey, tossing, then she got loud and that was the end of my attempt to nap. But I wasn't even mad. I think she is going through developmental stuff and her brain didn't let her sleep and we hadn't made the effort to tire her out which usually helps. So I was up with her and let her watch another Toy Story movie. Then a third. SIX hours of TV in one day, though they were spaced out with playtime and such but yeah, SIX hours.
She doesn't just sit there of course, she wiggles around, she bounces on the couch, she plays with other toys, she watches her daddy mow the lawn from the window.
Thanks for mowing the lawn honey, and taking out the trash. And the dishes. And well, everything.
And while she didn't need the nap I sure did. So I laid on the couch while she watched the movie and I tried to rest but she'd try to lay down next to me and would smack me unintentionally in the stomach, or arm, or face. There was not much rest. But there was some sweet snuggles. And then she likes it when I throw the blanket over her and she giggles like crazy and then she likes it when I go under the blanket with her and she pretends to whisper to me like how I pretend its our secret and no one can see us under the fort. And then she finally learned to give a real kiss on the cheek and then and then she correctly identified daddy and mama on the magnet picture and she says 'buff' instead of "buzz" and then said meemee for Minnie and then she let me hold her during the scene where Andy's mom is saying goodbye to him as she stands in his empty room as he goes away to college and then she held my hand during the scene where all the toys are holding hands and then she let me hold her the whole time the toys played with andy the last time. And when I told her it was bedtime she ran and gave her daddy a kiss and grabbed her monkey and headed to the bedroom without a fight. 
And that after a crappy day for me I realize... it was a really really good day, thanks to Alice.

(And that I can't write blog posts about her because I cry so hard my head hurts)