This is something that I tell myself when I look in the mirror at my overweight body. Man EvY, you've let yourself go. And like... when I say that it's obvious that I am talking about how my normally much thinner self is no longer thin. Temporarily no longer thin. Because I will get there again, I can. I will. And I'm not even saying that I'm not cute or that I hate myself or anything like that, it's more of I know I can look better in clothing.
One place that I associate with the better me and my style in particular is New York. Because I am obvious. I don't even remember feeling like people were better dressed that much better than I was but I just remember knowing that I could do better. A part of it is a cheat because the times I was there it was cold and all you need to make an outfit look good is a cool jacket and if you know me you know I know my way around a cool jacket. But somehow my style developed and settled after those trips to the Empire State. Yeah, mostly black and white, some color, casual but dressed up. Me. Though back in 2013 I was rocking sneakers with way more things than I should have but they're cool now so let's pretend I was ahead of the game 'kay? I look at my mirror selfies from back then and it's still me. Just the cuter version of me.
The funny thing about my feeling that New York is associated with this cool girl before kids because New York... caused children. After that trip I found out I was pregnant and of course, things were never the same again. I let my body go. I was running up to 5 miles three times a week and was running in New York up until I got back and stopped running almost immediately after that pregnancy test was positive because as you recall, I got SUPER sick with Alice and barely held anything down and all food was disgusting and I was never in the mood to run. After she was born I lost weight really quickly due to the nursing but as I've mentioned before instead of being careful I ate horribly and gained a ton of weight that I never lost because I was, you know... a working mom that prioritized sleep over fitness. And after two years of that I went and got pregnant again and was even SICKER with the boy. But now he's born, now he's five months old and now I have two children and a husband and a house and a job (sometimes) and no time to myself.
I have let myself go.
My day revolves around them. My thoughts revolve around them. And my body is still feeding one of them. My body wakes up and goes to work so I can provide for them no matter how little sleep I got. I am my lowest priority right now.
I really have let myself go. As mothers do for their children, for their families. We let go of me.
I went and scrolled back through these old pictures of our life before the kids and I found workout selfies of a much thinner, fitter woman and found photos of things I'd see during my runs. Runs in San Diego, runs in Chicago. And one particularly long run in Central Park. I would usually run one route but that day I decided to go a different route and went past the Central Park Zoo and came across something that stopped me dead in my tracks. It was the Alice in Wonderland statue. I came across it totally accidentally but knowing it existed and always wanting to see it in person. I walked around it and read the inscription and said to myself someday I'll bring my kid here.
And now that both of my kids are here, now that I am (almost!) done sacrificing my body to house them within me and feed them with it on the outside of it, I need to make efforts to take care of my body again. I've let myself go and it's time to find myself again.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Y'all know me still same old G.
He rolls to his belly a lot more now.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
My favorite clothing store for kids is actually H&M. They have a killer selection of simple and adorable graphic clothing for modern kids. For funsies I made a few boards of outfits that I'd match the kids in if I was the type to match children. Which by the way I totally am. I don't do identical outfits but I tend to put them in the same color family or similar themes, especially if I were to take them somewhere like say...
Horton's Hayride or other Musical Events
The LA Zoo
A Church Picnic or Spring Wedding
Knott's Berry Farm
I made these boards months ago and then you know... the kids. They took over.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
In my copious free time (sarcasm) with the two kids I've been continuing to pretend I have a kitchen to design. Once you start putting things together that you like you start noticing where you're lacking or what you're overdoing. After I put all the basic elements together you see the top two rows I realized man, all that black white and grey makes it look really you know... black white and grey. But it's an easy enough fix: add some color/warmth. So the accessories like the colorful bowls we have, wood shelves, wood cutting boards, flowers, copper accessories, these things will help warm it up and make it more us. 'Cause I love b/w/g but I am all about pattern and color too.
The other things on the board aren't specific or exact.
Things we already have that we wanna work with:
- The black hardware pulls
- The Samsung fridge
- The Samsung microwave
Things I know I want for sure:
- Farmhouse sink from Ikea (it's cheap and has two sections unlike most farmhouse sinks).
- A dishwasher that disappears into the cabinetry.
- A chef style range that slides in and is flat on top (like no buttons by the backsplash area) and either looks like the one above or is the Samsung version. Honestly an oven is an oven to me. I've made amazing food with cheapy stoves so I just want something that's gas and works and is purty.
- Subway tile backsplash with white grout or grey grout. Not sure how much contrast I'll be into. I'm also into the beveled style subway tile.
- Countertops either marble style (could be cheaper quartz or whatnot) or plain white. I keep thinking what will photograph well or look good when we host and set out buffets.
- Grey lower cabinets and white upper cabinets. A few glass front cabinets too.
- Gingham backsplash. Like this but gingham pattern.
- Chrome faucet and pot-filler.
- Pendants over the island that are not very showy and almost disappear.
- An island that can seat 4 with simple counter stools with backs.
- A black toaster.
- Wood open shelves with simple black brackets.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
I punched in the measurements for the kitchen and imagined what it would look like using the Ikea kitchen planner tool.
It's really fun designing a kitchen, you don't realize how many elements come into play and what looks good with what in terms of hardware/backsplash/paint/cabinets/etc.
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
I bought a copper paper towel dispenser awhile ago and while I love it and it looks good in the kitchen, something about it made me feel it wasn't quite right with our kitchen. That's when I realized to make copper work in a kitchen like the one that I want which would be a more traditional / english country kitchen / modern farmhouse the copper has to look vintage, not modern.
Observe: modern copper.
Observe: modern copper.
Here's some modern looking kitchens with vintage copper things.
I have seen some kitchens where that modern copper look really fits but, for a modern traditional kitchen, gotta go with a vintage looking copper.
Thursday, May 25, 2017
We've had two kids for three months and I can honestly say it's been a lot of highs and a lot of lows. The highs and lows are a heightened level from our abalone. She's cute, sweet, smart but now with the addition of the second kid she's experiencing a lot of jealous moments and acts out just because well, she's two, and because she doesn't know how to explain "Hey mom, I want you to stop looking at him because I am worried that you'll love him more than me and and look at me instead so I'm gonna throw things so you can pay attention to me."
There are days when she is a legitimate terror. Basically she seems to think that she's the only person in the house that matters and we should all bow to her whims and wishes. I want this, I want that. Who cares if mom, dad, or little brother need to eat, sleep, or poop, it's all about her her her. Thursday in particular was rough after she threw a giant tantrum about not wanting to take a nap and then later on about taking a bath. All this while I'm trying to pack for a weekend for the three of us and let me tell you I learned my lesson. From now on if I have to pack, I gotta do it when she's asleep. The boy is a piece of cake but she needs to be out of my hair to be able to do anything otherwise she's just all up in my business and setting me back to zero. I wish I could tell you I handled it with grace and patience but no, I told Matt to take her before I lost my mind. As I changed her diaper I just told her "Alice, you are not the only person in this household. Mom and dad are in charge. This is not Alice's house, Alice lives in this house but she is not the only one. I want you to have fun and give you everything you want but Mom, dad, and Wally have to eat and sleep too. " I dunno if she understood any of it but she was at least quiet as I told her this. It's a mantra I have to repeat to myself honestly.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Lately, a lot of things have revolved around Alice. Alice activities. Alice tantrums. Alice Alice Alice. I feel bad that Wally doesn't get as much attention as he should and especially whenever I'm holding him or looking at him, Alice will want me to pay attention to her or want me to put him down. She does think he's cute and she likes going "Hi baby sister!" "Brother!" we keep correcting her. And he has started smiling at her. Poor kid, ignorance is bliss.
Time is going by quickly and my maternity leave ends on June 1 after which I'll be going back to work when weekends will be my only time to have such luxurious thoughts about improving quality time with my children. It makes me sad to think about all that I will miss while at work. But a momboss has gotta do what a momboss has gotta do.
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Last month Matt's grandma was hospitalized with pneumonia (amongst other things). When she was discharged we went to visit her so she could meet Wally. We saw her on Easter and she seemed like she was doing good, we had normal conversations, she seemed fine. But unfortunately four days later, her heart gave out and she passed away at home.
Matt's mom Jill asked me to help make a program for the service and I was happy to be able to contribute something. Here is the link to it on dropbox. Check out her bio, she lived a good life.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
As you know The Golden Girls is well... not just one of my all time favorite shows but... a way of life. Sarcasm. Cheekiness. Plants. Pink. Gold. Miami. Geriatric friendship. My current office/guest room has tributes to the show all over the room but I had been thinking about a Golden Girls room that was more on the sophisticated side. Obviously that meant some of the very things that are my way of life: pastel pink, plants, rattan, gold, rose gold, bamboo. Here's what I whipped up:board that has as much of the things I found for this board plus some stuff that didn't make it onto the board that you can use to put together your own Golden Girls themed room.
Thank you for being a friend.
Monday, April 17, 2017
My diaper bag search had to expand with the birth of Wally. Forever we used the diaper dude diaper bag that Matt used but I wanted a backpack so I could be hands free with the kids. I bought the OhJoy one and liked it for awhile but the zippers gave out thanks to us overstuffing it and so I figured it was time for an upgrade and got this one which I love, so far because it has so many pockets.
For everyday trips we use Matt's bag but if we leave the house for hours/the day we take my bag which is more prepared for anything. The back pocket closest to the straps has the diapers and changes of clothes. With two kids and the California weather I like to have one short and one long sleeved shirt and leggings for each kid. I keep a sweater for Alice, and PJs for both. If you think the color coordination is an accident: it's not. I made sure the kids tops and bottoms had a color family just for my sanity. I can't match the kids but I like to dress them in similar colors. I also keep a muslin blanket that I stuff way at the bottom of the bag that I can use as a spit rag, a blanket, and a cover.
So the diaper pad holds diapers, it folds out into a changing pad, and has wipes. So if you gotta change a kid, you just grab this thing and it has all you need, so long as you make sure it's stocked which Matt is great at and I am so-so at. Here it is unfolded and they really thought it through, there's a little bit of padding where the little babes head goes.
The mesh part is where I keep the wipes.
The zippered part is where we stash the diapers.
The wet/dry bag (which I don't see the pattern we bought) also has two functions. The front is a clear mesh thing that I put Alice's clothes in.
The back zipper has a protective lining so you can put soiled clothing in it while you're out and about.
Once I put all those things in the bag this is what the back pocket looks like. The bottom right pocket has Wally's clothes and the left has more diapers.
The cool thing is the three bottom pockets have insulated lining so it'll keep drinks cold or warm should you need that to happen.burpy bib that is both burp cloth and can be wrapped around your kid's neck and secured with a clasp to make a bib. Clever right? The right is a nursing cover that can be used for a few things of which I didn't realize one of them until I just now clicked on the pictures on amazon. I shove these two items into the top of this pocket.