EvY at HomE

Well it's been almost a month since it became clear I wasn't getting what I wanted for Christmas: not a crazy person as president, maybe even an experienced lady president dare I dream. Le sigh. Anyhow... we put up Christmas decorations and Matt approved it by saying the most I can expect out of ole Scrooge "Hmmm... for so many boxes of decorations, I'm surprised by how it doesn't seem like we're over doing it." That's a compliment! We put the tree up in the corner of the living room and as expected Alice takes down ornaments within her reaching area every. day. We just kinda leave them down and then whenever company is coming I put them up again.  She likes seeing "da dights!" and pointing out to me which ones are not working. Yeah Alice, rub it in that we're poor and can't buy a replacement tree. Look at all those broken lights at the top. Ugh. I tried to get an ornament that represented the fact that Alice was getting a...

Trying to think of normal things. Trying to think of the holidays. Trying to focus on work.  We made a conscious effort to disconnect from everything but each other starting Friday and that helped tremendously. I actually cracked a few jokes.  Progress.  Trying trying.

I've never felt this way before. I've never felt so hopeless and in such a dark place.

Sometimes we just need to have a day to grieve. Today's my day. Tomorrow is tomorrow but today I'm grieving. Today I'm mad, today I'm sad. My mother and father came to this country from Mexico. She is from a border town called Mexicali, where a lot of her family still lives and we try to visit once a year. My mother came on a student visa and then eventually got her permanent resident card under amnesty declared by Ronald Regan. In fact, her pregnancy with me helped her establish her residence here. She's still a permanent resident. My father came here illegally, under a semi-truck and crossed at the Mexicali border. He became a resident also under the amnesty declared by Regan and up until the recession was a union welder at a company repairing trains that transport goods across this country. He loves this country and a few years ago he became a citizen and registered as a Republican. I've grown up knowing both languages and always feeling like an America...

First of all I have to keep reminding myself that I incubate and make big healthy beautiful babies. That's the plus side. Remember how this hefty baby had to be sliced out of me? BUT it is kicking my butt. Still trying to get over a cold, I worked on Tuesday and got home a little late and didn't eat on time and felt just awful. Headache. Stuffy. On Wednesday morning I woke up feeling like I had to pee again and again, sure sign of a UTI, and was dizzy and still stuffy nosed so I called my boss and I said "I can't come in today." Sometimes you just gotta listen to your body. And I was out for the day. In and out of sleep, Matt watched Alice and I just tried to keep food in my system and sleep. And I felt bad that I wasn't doing much but all I needed was to just sleep. The next day still feeling crummy I decided you know what, I should go see my doctor. They push you to the front of the line if you're pregnant. And yup, positive for a mild UTI but guess...

I've mentioned before that regardless of gender the sequel would be sharing a room with Alice because well, we have no choice really. There's three bedrooms and I want to keep the home office/playroom/guest room so sharing it is. Whew, luckily the room's already blue right?  The baby will sleep in our room for the first few months in a bassinet but once he's sleeping all night we might put him either in the office (we might need a new baby monitor with two cameras) or have him and Alice start sharing. I just do NOT want to mess with our wonderful sleeper's habits. Her sleep is sacred to me and I'd rather suffer than wake my girl up with a crying baby brother. As far as the decor itself... that'll have to change a bit since it's VERY Alice-centric right now. I already have a few black and white crib sheets so I'll just get a black and white changing pad cover and then add some elements to represent the baby boy we'll be going with a space...