the hosts's lament

I'm about to get super vulnerable around here. Looking into my soul vulnerable.

As you know I like to throw a party or two. And with the addition of Alice, party throwing is a little more difficult because I have to juggle her and doing my party planning and as you can imagine, 7 months old don't quite get "sit here and don't fall on your noggin while I set up". Mostly I did stuff when she was asleep and got the grocery shopping done while she was in a carrier, asleep.

Well I decided to throw an Oscar party. I do them almost every year and they're very simple. Put out some cheese, pop some corn, pour out bubbly. Simple right? Well... you know me. But do the people that I invite to these parties know me?

I sent out the invite via Facebook and 11 people said they were coming plus their significant others and we were looking at 15-20 people. Matt of course was nervous about fitting that many people in our house. But to me, the hostess, the more the merrier! Then the declines started coming and then it rained and I knew we were doomed: LA people do not drive in the rain. Then people that said they were coming just didn't show up. In the end, it was 10 guests. Very happy, wonderful guests who loved everything and were impressed and were hilarious and fun.

What does it mean to a hostess when people won't come to her parties? Do they not like me? Am I not worth the effort? Why do I bother putting so much effort into this if nobody is gonna come? Why do I feel like I'm begging people to come?

It's a silly thought but I thought it. I try so hard to attend anything we're invited to. We've become professional party attenders Matt and I. I RSVP as soon as we confirm we can attend and then guess what, we attend. It's like saying, you matter, I will make the time and effort. And drive. And I'll bring a gift or offer to bring something. We try to be good guests, it's the polite thing to do.

I have all these rules about social media that in an effort to shake off the gloom of the no-shows I violated like posting photos of guests and tagging them. And also because I have a reputation with my mom's family and she kept bugging me to post photos of the party. And I took pleasure in the likes and comments about how cute the party (and Alice, of course) looked and honestly, I wanted it to make an impression on them for next year. If I do it again, they'll realize hey, it's that awesome Oscar party EvY throws, that's a do not miss. I will make the effort!

Party throwing is my creative outlet. It's how I show I like you. I just want people to enjoy it and I want a bunch of them to come. Fill the house. I don't even need oodles of adulation, usually just a "this looks nice" is seriously seriously seriously good enough for me. It's my insecurity, my flaw.

Party on Wayne. Party on Garth.