the high and low

I had lofty plans to post some pretty interiors in here but on Saturday I experienced some parenting highs and lows that kinda took the top spot priorities wise. 

On Saturday we spent the night at my in-laws and Alice was up at 6am which is unusual for her. When we're home and she's up at that time, she'll usually go back to sleep but since at my in-laws we're all in the same room when she wakes up, she sees us and we can't just ignore her. She gave me the ole pick me up arms so I did, put her on the floor and laid back down on the bed that's low to the ground and she climbed up and laid next to me putting her little head on my pillow. We snuggled for awhile before she wanted to be up playing and she just wrapped her little arms around me being super cuddly. If I gotta be up at 6am, that made it all worth it. It was an incredible mom high.

Unfortunately that night as we got back home, she fell asleep in the car and the normally smooth transfer resulted in her waking and giving us some cries. Usually she is just protesting it and falls asleep promptly after but she kept crying and I gave it a few minutes and I saw her lay down so I laid down but she got a little louder and Matt came in to take the monitor so I could sleep since I'd been up so early. A few minutes or so passed, I must've dozed off and Matt comes in telling me she's thrown up. Other than when my sister Liz woke me up to tell me she was in labor, I have never woken up so quickly in my life. I went into the room and it just smelled awful. There was throw up all over her, the crib, it was bad. We took her PJs off and put her in another pair and awhile later she threw up again and then a few more times which by then was just bile. She was so tired that she'd fall asleep on me and then be woken up by having to throw up. We called our doctor's office and they said to take her in to the ER for fear of dehydration and such. I was hesitant to take her in to the hospital since it was 2am and I was afraid of more germs and more waiting and misery but Matt said if she throws up one more time we're going. And she did. I've never seen that look on my normally happy baby. Just absolute misery and confusion like why did this happen to me? What is going on?

The urgent care was closed so we went back to Providence St. Joseph where she was born. It was pretty empty and they took her vitals fairly promptly thankfully but smarty pants kept pushing out the rectal thermometer and they had to do it three times to get it. No fever. Nothing else.

Back to the waiting room we went and she perked up enough to have a few sips of water and to point at the fishes in the pediatric waiting area and wanted to play with the kid chairs which was grossing me out imagining all the germy sick kids that touched it so I had to pull her away. We went into the ER and were attended by a lovely volunteer, nurse, and PA. They were so gentle with her and super nice to us, I guess everyone feels bad for a sick baby. She drank a little more, they gave her a tab of zofran and she fell asleep a few minutes later. By then it was about 3am. They sent us home with a prescription and what to look for and she stayed asleep until about 10am the next day.

Woke up perfect as if nothing ever happened and was pretty chipper but when it was nap and bedtime she let us know and would lean on things and be sad looking. She took a really long nap and bedtime was rough with a loss of pacis but slept until about 9 the next morning.

But today was not the same. She was not herself. I could tell something was wrong and after breakfast and a little mild playing she gives me this awful look and cry face and wants to be picked up and once I do she barfs all over herself and myself. I could have cared less. We went into the bathroom, I peeled off my soiled sweater and her clothes and just held her in the bathroom with tears in my eyes. I've never loved someone this way. Her pain is mine. I wish I could take it away.