the reals of your second trimester (and my pregnancy in general)

I was trying not to overwhelm you guys with baby talk around these parts but if my blog has proven time and again is that I am still me even if I'm incubating a human so I hope this will be an entertaining read at its core. I also have a lot of things I'm feeling and thinking and that's kind of the point of a weblog so there you go. I'll try to keep it to one a month and one thing about the baby's room makeover, if there's anything to say, to once a week since it's still a home thing.

First off, if you're wondering if you can touch my belly, you totally can. I really have no qualms with someone wanting to lay a hand of blessing over my child. That's me assuming everyone that wants to touch my belly wishes nothing but the best for my child and I think that's the case. So by all means, grab all you want, my belly is su belly.

Let me start positively before I start whining. Number 1, I am really happy to be pregnant. Not just the fact that I am but the fact that I was able to. When I was thinking about someday having kids I came across a lot of infertility blogs and would read them like crazy for some reason. I was convinced I would have a hard time getting pregnant or that I would never be able to. So you can imagine my delight when I found myself in the happy state of knowing I was able to and you can imagine my concerns every single day for the past few months worrying about the health and life of this wee one. I don't think that'll go away for the rest of its life, guess that's "parenthood". I'm usually a locked box of emotion and hate getting mushy or girly or predictable but I've found myself extremely sentimental lately. Just like when Matt and I were married, stories of husbands and wives suddenly tugged at my heartstrings and now I actually enjoy seeing babies pop up on my instagram feed instead of thinking "UGH, STOP." I'm excited! I can't wait! These are all new emotions for me. I dig 'em. Plus as I mentioned before, nothing beats feeling that little alien move. It has started kicking or punching me way down low and the first really pronounced one of those made me jump in my seat at work.

Anyway, I haven't had an easy pregnancy so far gang. I dunno if people are supposed to act like everything's wonderful all the time and they like to say things like "I had the easiest pregnancy" of course followed by "I had the easiest labor" and then inevitably "I have the easiest baby". And that's pretty great, good for you guys, seriously, no sarcasm intended, I'm really happy things are going well. That's not the case with me. Nothing I can't handle but sometimes it does get pretty depressing.

Emotions wise, other than very susceptible to crying at the drop of a hat, aka 3 seconds into "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?" from "Frozen", I think I'm extra pleasant at the moment. I haven't yet had wild mood swings that take me from happy to raving monster but I'm sure that's coming. Overall I'm extra loving to humans and animals and especially can't stand being away from my husband. I would almost classify myself as "clingy" in regards to how I'm dealing with Matt. He likes it.

Speaking of Mr. Handsome… oh no, started getting all teary. Matt, could not be a better friend right now. If he hears me dry heaving, wherever he is in the house, he'll be right in there with me, rubbing my back, telling me it's okay, flushing the toilet so I can continue barfing, he does a mountain lion amount of work around the house that I never ask him to do. All the laundry. Dishes. Kitty Litter. The yard. And on top of that, he's not weirded out by watching me grow rounder around the middle and isn't like those husband's that's freaked out by hearing the baby is moving, he wants to feel it. As of now though, the alien isn't performing on cue for him (psh, you're not the boss of me) and might yet be too small for him to feel it but we can't wait for him to feel his baby.

The things happening to the size of my body doesn't bother me either. So far, I've not noticed a lot of weight gain other than the very obvious areas which is I mean…

Yeah, definitely pregnant. Not as pregnant as my 9 month pregnant sister but definitely more pregnant than my not pregnant brother. I don't care how big that area gets or the rest of me to be honest. The thing I'm most worried about at the moment is whether or not I'm eating enough food to provide it with nutrients to grow. That's honestly all I care about in regards to how big I get. After I have the kid I hope to get back to running and all that good stuff and I know it's in my capacities. 

But, the part that makes me want to cry sometimes is the food thing. Oh yeah, still constantly nauseated and don't like a majority food. A couple of days ago I threw up in the morning but it was a lot milder than the past barfs where I would barf until there was nothing left, this time I will just throw up a little and carry on. The nausea feels like nothing in regards to the food thing: I just can't get a handle on the food thing. I guess the alien is getting what it needs though because I am definitely growing, I just worry about giving it what it needs especially with my vegetarian diet so I'm upping the protein intake and doing my darndest to keep snacking on good stuff. 

I may be eating more food but overall food just doesn't taste like it used to. I thought that during pregnancy I would be hungry all the time and want to eat anything and everything but I'm not a big eater at the moment. I eat because I have to even when I don't particularly feel hungry. It bums me out because I can't get into a good rhythm with eating and feeling better and not nauseated. I know a few tricks like I have to have all my meals as soon as possible but the in between time with snacks, nothing really sounds that great. I feel like I'm stuck in a food rut and I want to mix it up. I honestly think the key is to make my own meals. Drag myself out of bed and make myself a good breakfast, pack some snacks, and come home and make a nice, light, dinner. All the take-out, even if we go to good places, isn't the best for us. Baby wants momma's cooking. I gotta start trying harder.

In regards to growing, here's something nobody told me that I had to google on my own. There is a thing called growing pains, it's a thing, a real thing. Mostly at night my sides start aching and my belly hurts a little which started worrying me. I learned from my doctor that it's that round ligament pain people talk about which stretches from by your groin to up to your belly and when it's stretching or you interrupt it's regularly scheduled programing with sneezes, blessed thing hurts. The aches usually last a few seconds or about a minute ish, or a few seconds that feel like minutes but it's a part of the whole pregnancy thing. In addition to the side aches, there's also cramping. Which is a sign of the bad thing happening and yes, I know that my odds are very low at this point of that happening but hello, have we met, I am not a chill person when it comes to my own health slash now the health of my chillun. So that always makes me worry but I'm assured it's normal until it ain't (bleeding and very intense) so if you ever get pregnant, it's normal. A lot of freakish things are normal seems to be the overall consensus. 

And then there's sleep. Or the item formerly known as sleep. Some liar said that getting up to pee in the middle of the night should subside or go away in the second trimester. With the exception of a night where I was up 'til midnight and didn't wake up 'til 6am, I get up to pee around 3am every night. Then a few hours later, I get up to pee again. Where does all this liquid come from by the way?? I pee so much I swear that's it but each pee visit yields a hearty volume! Usually I fall asleep right away after I go pee but sometimes it takes a few minutes, just depending on what I decide to worry about that night, aka will my child have fully developed arms and legs, what if the ultrasound shows its missing a leg? Obviously the answer is we'll customize a killer prosthetic and then it can go on to a successful career playing zombies or injured World War II veterans, but I digress. The so far thing about that magical up in the middle of the night to pee thing is that it's supposed to prepare you for getting up in the middle of the night with a baby and also for some strange reason, I don't feel tired at work the next day. It's as if I slept a full amount of hours and nothing interrupted me at all. I'm not sure if it's just being used to it for all these months or if it's the life of production and its masterful sleep deprivation but I feel pretty good. Other than getting up to pee, and the growing pains, there's also the pain of sleeping on your side. Around this time you're not supposed to lay on your back since it causes elevated blood pressure or your eyeballs to change color or something and it pretty much sucks. I am a back and side sleeper and sometimes I just have to give my hips a break and I lay on my back to alleviate the pressure. My acupuncturist said it was perfectly fine to do so but overall I try to lay on my sides. I am also now using the boppy pregnancy pillow and it helps a little. The other day though, Matt and I took an afternoon nap and cuddling him felt better than any pregnancy pillow could but I can't sleep for hours like that, just a few minutes. The acupuncturist is helping with the hip pains tremendously and with my constantly stuffy nose. I wonder what it's gonna be like when the belly is even bigger and bulkier.

Again, I'm not really complaining, I am so very grateful to have this little alien growing inside me. But I feel that you should know, pregnancy isn't moonlight and roses. It's pee and barf too.